Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML
Today, I went to my cousin's communion. We arrived late and walked to the front of the church where my family was. Everyone stared and laughed but I ignored it. After the service was done, my mom came up to me and pulled a long piece of toilet paper out of my skirt. FML
Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML
Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML
Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML
Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
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Top comments
MooCowPlywood 9
Hopefully your nose isn't pregnant...
aforbiddendance 23
Now you (kind of) know how girls feel.
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Comments (170)
last_patriot 10
And you couldn't have said that you had just blown your nose instead? Still FYL.
minna97 14
I live in an atheist household and we're not allowed to lock our doors either. It's not the religion, just strict parents.
buttcramp 21
what if she only does this because she already knew what you were doing and this was the punishment?
knight2109 12
this is why locks were made. don't hand one? then install one.
TrueColours 9
Come on your face isn't that bad. Women do it all the time, it's called a facial. And having your own come touch you is arguably less gross than someone else's, because at least you know where you've been!
russfml 31
Fyl you should have just showed her your **** used Kleenex if she asked and been like its snot you want to see?
wopchop12 8
All this talk is making me wanna **********
xThatOneWeirdGuy 18
Hey, I'm sure some people who read that found it pretty sexy. xD
midnightm16 24
I'm also living in a Christian home and my grandma would get upset if I even closed my door. When I got a little older though I stood up to her. Unfortunately my door doesn't lock though.
BAD2891 4
Why didn't you just pretend you had already blown your nose and thrown it out?