Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that after he gets off work, he can find me in his room wearing something sexy. He responded with, "Please don't touch anything." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I sent my boyfriend a naughty pic. I then asked him if there was anything else he wanted before I got dressed. His reply? "No it's fine." FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML
Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's house with nothing under my coat but some sexy lingerie. He told me he was working on an assignment, and made me wait three hours before he'd have sex with me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I are on vacation. He was watching TV, and I thought I’d try to be sexy, so I walked in wearing lingerie. He smiled at me and said, “What the hell are you wearing?” FML
Today, I sent a scantily clad pic to my boyfriend, to which he responded "Nice, but please clean your room". FML
Today, I put my boyfriend's t-shirt on and took sexy pictures with nothing else but panties. I then sent him the pictures. His reply was, "Can you wash that when you're done?" FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's apartment. He started coming on to me so I pushed him away and said, "No chance." He said "Well, I'm horny, so I'm gonna take care of it myself. Can you go home now?" FML
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Top comments
dwhite312 0
he has manners. what's the problem here?
SpicyDuck 22
you're gonna find panties under his pillow.
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Comments (149)
tijanaa 0
hmm, i wonder what he is hiding?
Kuina_fml 5
Ouch, what an asshole.
Java6Nerd 10
How did you get Sheldon Cooper to go out with you?
justbigbs 6
You did say "his" room and not our room, nothing wrong for man protecting his personal belongs and privacy, would you want him digging through your room!
Magnimus 4
You are probably one of those women who moves shit around a lot and when the guy wants to find something, he's like "WTF, I know I put x right here last time I used it," then he has to spend like an hour trying to figure out where you put it. I've broken up with girls over that kind of BS.
ArsenalFan12 0
wow he really isint the smartest person ever is he?
FreeBird3 0
That's what I would've said... The problem?
sstickley 3
and obviously what he really means is "don't touch anything unless you want to end up like my last girlfriend who's corpse still remains under the bed. love you honey"
fcukthat 0
If that was his ONLY reaction I would've walked right outta there. doesnt sound like he even want to see you looking fine.
KayTee1901 0
Mayybbeee. Hes just protective of his stuff. My boyfriends the same way. The first time i went to his room he left me on his bed to go lock the door downstairs and said "dont touch anything." lmao. And ik he has nothing to hide. Youre all overthinking this