Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the only friend I have left is my cat. Lonely and bored out of my mind, I told him about my day. He decided to end the conversation by shitting on the floor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got a promotion. I was really excited until I realized that the only friend I had to celebrate with was my pet cat. FML
Today, I watched as my poor old cat dragged his ass across our living room carpet, leaving an equally long shit stain on our pristine carpet. My pleas for him to stop only made his diarrhea worse as he ran off. FML
Today, I came home very tired from a bad day at work, and really just wanted to relax on the couch for a while. My cat jumped into my lap, wanting affection. I was petting him, thanking him for his emotional support. He reciprocated by noxiously farting in my face and running away. FML
Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML
Today, after being filled with joy after seeing my very elderly cat finally enjoying the sun in my garden, I skipped over to give her a hug. Turns out she was taking a shit. FML
Today, I adopted a cat, thinking it would make my life a little less lonely. Within an hour, the cat ran away. Not even animals want to be around me. FML
Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML
Today, my cat sat on me, 30 minutes before I had to go to work. When I picked him up almost immediately after he got comfortable so I could get ready, he looked and sounded absolutely crushed. FML
Today, because I wanted to let my cat have his breakfast before I used the bathroom, which is also his dining room, I learned that when your day starts with shitting your pants, things can only get better from there. FML
Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML
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Top comments
rocketslider 0
at least he listened :')
YayorNay 8
So the cat still gives a shit.
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Comments (116)
rocketslider 0
at least he listened :')
YayorNay 8
So the cat still gives a shit.
miraggg 1
an*
miraggg 1
sry wrong comment
skiier4life 1
Shit in the kitty litter for payback
Idonebeenhad 17
He did at one point, but as you read, he let the shit go.
PrimeStarscream 30
LOLOL
honeysuckel 0
I got this little kitty about 2 months back He was the nicest little kitty, now a pain in my crack This little kitty is a ninja, always stalking my feet This little kitty is a warrior you know what I mean He's an evil little kitty look what he did to my hand Tries to get in trouble in any way that he can I could give this cat a toy, but he'd rather have the wrapper And I will always give him water, but he still drinks from the crapper You could lock him in a closet and he just won't care Kitty chews on my shoes and he licks on my hair Always scratching on my favorite chair and jumping on the couch Playing in the window sills and tearing through the house He's so full of energy and easily amused Kitty will attack anything that moves Causing trouble, starting battles just so he could be a part of He's a meanest little kitty so we named him sparta Hey little Sparta what is with all the fight Little bitty kitty wanna bite bite bite Hey little Sparta what is with all the fight Little bitty kitty wanna bite bite bite Hey little Sparta what is with all the fight Little bitty kitty wanna bite bite bite Hey little Sparta what is with all the fight Little bitty kitty wanna bite Where'd you go Are you stalking me? Are you under the couch, quite possibly Ears laid back so you don't get caught Ready to pounce my leg with everything that you got I know you're probably watching me from across the room Concentrating contemplating on attacking me soon You're not invisible kitty, I'm gonna find you first Come out come out before I make things worse [ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/c/cory_williams/the_mean_kitty_song.html ] I've seen where you hide and I know where you've been Hey kitty why don't you give in Even if you try to sneak up on me, I'm prepared Cause I've got my safety gear on and I'm not scared I think I hear a kitty cat under the bed I know your making noises just to mess with my head You can stalk me all you want, but I'm not your pray Cause you always seem to find me first, but not today Hey little Sparta what is with all the fight Little bitty kitty wanna bite bite bite Hey little Sparta what is with all the fight Little bitty kitty wanna bite bite bite Hey little spartan what is with all the fight Little bitty kitty wanna bite bite bite Hey little Sparta what is with all the fight Come on out, I'm gonna get you now I've got 'em cornered And now he's mine He's not gonna get away this time I'll snatch him up fast before he can blink and then... Aw man! He's asleep in the sink What is with this cat? I'm confused He's got a bed, but it's never been used In every waking moment, kitty's out for the fight Then [fart] next minute kitty's out like a light How could I let this creature live inside of my home I gotta keep an eye on him when I'm on the phone I'm a little afraid to leave this cat all alone This kitty may destroy everything that I own Look at him now, I kinda feel bad He's the best little cat that I've had And the one big thing I forgot to mention, was that He wasn't fighting, he just wanted attention Hey little Sparta what is with all the fight Little bitty kitty wanna bite bite bite Hey little Sparta what is with all the fight Little bitty kitty wanna bite bite bite Hey little Sparta what is with all the fight Little bitty kitty wanna bite bite bite Hey little Sparta what is with all the fight Showing love, that's all this kitty does NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
livlafluv100 2
op, that was just his interpretation of your day.
sarcasticbitch 7
thats the cats way of saying that your life is full of shit.
CattyPurry 0
i don't give a cat's ass. :S
TheRealHouse 7
At least it was the floor and not the cieling
CattyPurry 0
lolwut? ^
NastyNinja31 0
it was symbolic
zco101 1
now all she needs to do is get ten more cats and knit them all sweaters. she will have 11 more friends!
TheChampagneBoi 5
Ones better than none
KayDayParade 0
consider yourself back down to none
StudMuffinette 17
forever alone...
kyleisthebomb 0
whoa, your pussy took a shit?!
The_Weirdo 10
At least you still got a pussy in your life.
number0 8
There's a reason why a dog, not a cat, is considered to be "man's best friend."
Vasin_fml 15
You bored the absolute shit out of him.
brookem3058 4
wow that sucks.
docbastard75 5
In one ear and out the ass hole.
genesisnirvana 11
the cat is simply telling OP what he thinks of his/her day.
TheMasticater 9
if anyone says that's a shitty situation I swear...
shovels 0
Sounds like a shitty situation....
starsfan_9 7
Could have been worse, his only friend could've been a pet cow, think of the horrific mess that would have been...
Cereal_Is_Good 5
At least he gave a shit...
TheMasticater 9
121 that's a mighty fine looking burrito in your pic...mind if I have some?
EpicRandomizer 1
130- get a girlfriend and make your own burrito
Cereal_Is_Good 5
130- You may, but only in exchange for your soul. And a package of gummy worms.
Iwashere12345 0
awww well wasn't that sweet of him
RacerX1695 1
Must have had a shitty day…
hailphire130 0
Would his name happen to be Garfield?
johnson94 5
'twooo can be as bad as one, but the loneliest number is the number one...'
tacocannon99 5
burn.
Molord1 0
thanks for your input, Justin Bieber.
flossybaben 0
nahh he's a try-hard Justin beiber.
amuck 0
looks like you hot burned! baahaahaaaa
amuck 0
*got
hailphire130 0
46-I'm sorry, but you just ruined it with that hot thing.
amuck 0
shit happens I guess, damn auto correct.... oh well
tacocannon99 5
believe it or not, I hate Justin bieber. however whoever commented first, I'm sure is too ugly to post a real picture, like most people on FML. so go ahead, thumbs me down. il cry myself to sleep and anally prick myself with a full ivory Charlie sheen strap on to take my mind off things... my feelings are genuinely hurt!
bentleysdad11611 0
I'm not to scared to show my picture but at least I dont look like the guy all America is making fun of for looking like a girl and again sir u lose ! FYL
KrazyLove56 4
you look like justin bieber! I love you
iloveeyouuxD 9
at least you have 1 friend who will listen!
konjaman 0
Haha I bet the cat was like: " now that I listened to you, how about you do something for me *takes a dump* "
Yellow_Fish79 11
Sounds like a good listener. (:
monkeystain 0
no he sounds like a good shitter
carolineoliviaa 0
awh, even your cat doesn't care.
bigmike315 0
im sorry you 2 couldnt make it work
silverstream20 20
love the picture COD all the way
alpaquette91 9
must have been a shity conversation.
mynameis1339 0
yawn...
miraggg 1
shitty*
alpaquette91 9
shitty yes I know anti flood protection keeps me from correcting myself right away
RetardedChipmunk 7
If you're going to use an already over-used pun, can you at least spell it right? Thanks.