Today, I was told by my grandfather that I was no longer allowed to visit him or to set foot in his house. Why? He found out I have been taking Japanese and German as electives in my degree, so I must be an 'enemy spy'. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, going through my late grandmother's papers, I found out that my grandfather had never been in the Nazi party. The reason he was not allowed to work as a teacher was that he had never passed his university exams. He found an invented Nazi past less shameful than academic failure. FML
Today, my great grandfather got arrested. Why? He is still shell shocked from World War II, so when we went to a hibachi grill, he didn't want any of those, "Damn Japs" to touch his food, and our chef didn't take too kindly to his verbal assault. FML
Today, my grandpa who is staying with us mistook me for a Japanese soldier and started to hit me with a bat. This is the second night in a row. FML
Today, my grandfather asked me why the broccoli I served for dinner was white. I told him it was cauliflower. He would't believe me, accused me of being a Russian spy, and stormed out. FML
Today, I was over my grandparents' house for my grandfather's birthday. For years they would talk to each other in Italian and I could never understand them, so I started to take an online class to teach myself Italian. Now I know all they talk about is how much they hate everything about me. FML
Today, my girlfriend's overprotective parents decided that I'm a bad influence on their daughter. I'm a straight A engineering student who openly speaks out against drugs, alcohol, and discrimination. Their reason? Someone told them I dyed my hair black. They think I'm a "closet Nazi". FML
Today, I'm a 25-year-old married woman and I'm currently living with my grandfather to take care of him. Today, he grounded me. FML
Today, my grandfather scolded me for not wanting to go to my 12-year-old cousin's basketball game. This is the same grandfather that refused to go to my high school graduation. FML
Today, I'm grounded for literally the whole summer because my parents found out that I was still seeing my grandma behind their backs, even though they banned her from ever seeing us again after she spanked my sister. FML
Today, I went to a veterans' reunion party with my grandpa. While there, a guy started yelling at me for having an unapproved haircut. It was my grandpa's old drill sergeant, and he thought I was in the army too. Everyone just smirked as he forced me to drop and do push-ups. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Aspen_Grace33 27
Old people are always suspicious of everything. They think everyone is secretly after them.
John_in_Oz 12
So go back to him and tell him you've got permission from ASIO to tell him you're an Australian spy studying Japanese and German to spy on them. If he asks for proof, tell him of course you don't have any proof, no spy carries proof they're a spy.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (83)
Aspen_Grace33 27
Old people are always suspicious of everything. They think everyone is secretly after them.
Pleonasm 36
Yea, my grandfather and his tinfoil hat are no longer on speaking terms ever since it failed to protect him from a soviet frequency.
Wizardo 34
The worrying thing is not even the hat but the fact he speaks to said hat...
ChronicBluntz420 7
Yup, 'cus world war || still goin' on and shit. Smack that old ass nigga.
cosmosis 12
3- its not the hats fault. Tin foil only works protecting against the aliens mind waves.
ChronicBluntz420 7
Thinkin' world war || still goin' on and shit. Smack that old ass nigga.
green2go 14
You should tell him that you are taking those classes so you can be a double agent
perdix 31
#1, which is how they got to become old people. Those who don't think everyone is out to get them get killed young.
UberNova 18
Some old people are set in their ways, get your parents to rationalise with him.
Misswildsides 22
If I got accused of being a spy, I'd play along with it for a little bit, then rationalize.
chashem 17
I can see where he's coming from though...
mn_shr 22
Japanese and German? You totally had it coming.
InfamousRaider 15
For my first year of high school I'm taking german...
GiraffeAquarium 7
Wouldn't that mean that they are more likely spying on Germany or Japan?
hnz 13
He'll come to terms with it. Give him time
RedPillSucks 33
He'll be dead before then...
John_in_Oz 12
So go back to him and tell him you've got permission from ASIO to tell him you're an Australian spy studying Japanese and German to spy on them. If he asks for proof, tell him of course you don't have any proof, no spy carries proof they're a spy.
PenguinForDinner 16
My exact thoughts. Add that you are doing it for "national security" and insist that he tells no one in your family! ;)
Wizardo 34
Whatever you do, don't let him see you play Call of Duty otherwise its End Of Line...
perdix 31
You'd better not let him catch you eating sushi while watching "Hogan's Heroes." He'll go all Hiroshima on your ass!
tj4234 36
To be fair, although I never went through WW2 myself I imagine it does take a bit of getting over... Those who fought for for the Axis powers probably feel the same way, regardless of their political views on the matter. It's no surprise really. A couple of years ago, there were two old men walking down the street in my town. They both had a panic attack because a car backfired and it brought back memories of the war. My great grandfather fought in the Polish resistance and earned a war medal for valour, but he smashed it up later on in life because it made him think of his friends who were killed in the war.
kiskraze 7
Post-dramatic stress syndrome ! Or shell shock ! That's nothing to take lightly.
SammyS2012 21
23- im not being a graammar nazi but just so no one has any misunderstandings: post-traumatic stress disorder
cyanidesandwich 21
23/26 - not trying to be a grammar nazi but just to add: Post-traumatic Stress Disorder and Shell Shock are the same thing.
RedPillSucks 33
However, people from WWII on both sides have gotten together to share their stories to each other.
acerredrum 23
I think # 26 was correcting the fact that #23 said "Post-Dramatic" not that she said shell shock.
SammyS2012 21
Yes thank you, #55, I guess I should have elaborated. At first, I thought #23 was being sarcastic, calling it post-dramatic disorder so when I realized it was a typo, I didn't want anyone else to make that mistake. :)
DocBastard 40
You probably shouldn't have given him the Nazi salute when you saw him last. That MAY have been a tipoff.
Joshawott 21
Tell him the war is long over.
Dawnstempest 17
For those that have lived through war, war is never over.
eddeeezzyy 19
Try telling that to Drake and Josh's great-grandfather...
JACKxRAWR 22
#42, War. War never changes. Sorry, too much Fallout. ;(