Today, my grandfather asked me why the broccoli I served for dinner was white. I told him it was cauliflower. He would't believe me, accused me of being a Russian spy, and stormed out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I made broccoli and peas with dinner. My girlfriend pouted, sulked, and refused to eat "yucky veggies", demanding fries or chips. Apparently, I'm dating a fucking toddler. FML
Today, I was told by my grandfather that I was no longer allowed to visit him or to set foot in his house. Why? He found out I have been taking Japanese and German as electives in my degree, so I must be an 'enemy spy'. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Dinner was going well until her dad secretly fed the asparagus to the dog under the table, and then "discovered" what a childish thing I had done. My girlfriend believed him. FML
Today, my 6-year-old cousin came to my door, demanding canned food. I asked him what for, and he said, "Dad said I needed them for a school project." I said all right, and he started raiding my pantry. I was left with only green beans. He stole all my Spaghetti O's. FML
Today, my roommate came home from work and yelled at me for my dinner being too spicy. The same dinner he denied stealing. FML
Today, my mom tried a new recipe for dinner. She proudly served what she called "gourmet vegetable stew." One bite later, I had to fight every urge to not gag. She asked me how it tasted, and with a straight face, I said, "Delicious!" She then asked for my honest opinion, so I told her it was, um, "an acquired taste." She hasn’t spoken to me since. FML
Today, I had to do community service work, so I helped out at a senior center. One of the confused elderly patients, who believed the Cold War was still on, thought I was a Soviet and started screaming about how I was going to nuke his country. FML
Today, while at a family reunion, my parents kept bringing up horrible things I did when I was about 4-6 years-old that I've been trying to forget for decades. After a while, I just stormed out. When I came back in the room, my dad had the nerve to ask me why I left and why I wasn't talking to him. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her mom gave me some seasoned cauliflower, which I didn't like. Not wanting to dissapoint my girlfriend's mom, I slipped the cauliflower of my plate and gave it to their dog. It turns out cauliflower gives their dog explosive diarrhea. FML
Today, my four year-old very loudly asked me if the little person she saw at the shops was like that because he didn't eat his vegetables. He definitely heard. FML
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Top comments
YUNOFML 16
FYL for being found out and having to terminate the operation.
honestsleep 9
Whatever, more cauliflower for you.
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Comments (95)
honestsleep 9
Whatever, more cauliflower for you.
FastidiousPear 6
Op, you deserved it for serving tasteless cauliflower over the greatest vegetable of all: Broccoli.
Sandsh8rk 36
OP better be Russian his ass away from his grandfather!
benmec 18
Whatever. More farts for you!
chunkalicious 7
Commie bastards, all y'all. This is 'Murica.
Proughboy 7
No, this is Patrick!
chunkalicious 7
Hehehe, psst, hey, Patrick. What's funnier than 24?
bizarre_ftw 22
Sorry, comment denied It would only work if 54 was 24 or 25
YUNOFML 16
FYL for being found out and having to terminate the operation.
Charmillionaire 13
....I'll bet veggieluver isn't even her real NAME.
lukep135 6
I heard that failing disguised operations in Russia can have some severe punishments. Gl OP
oj101 33
In Soviet Russia, broccoli is white.
NeatNit 33
Actually it's more of a YDI. How could you blow your cover? Pay for your mistakes.
PrimeEvilTahir 24
Should've just told him it was an albino broccoli... :-)
igive 29
Then he would have accused her of being a Russian scientist.
theslimshadylp 6
You better sleep with one eye open. Gramps just might try to be an American hero and kill the Russian spy.
TylerBurden 21
In Russia everyone is a spy but in america my friends everyone is a superhero.
hisgirlherboy 5
50, learn to grammar.
sayyestothedress 24
-76 I think YOU should learn your grammar. You should have said: "try to use a higher level if vocabulary"
sayyestothedress 24
*of
cliffibom 15
Kgb making white broccoli since the 20th century
Geneside 8
Russian spy's they steal the colour off your broccoli!
HouseElf 13
Bunnicula?
Pyapi 20
Yes, it was Bunnicula! Cutest vampire story I ever read :P
hannaaaahr 33
You can't just go around and ask veggies why they're white..
lindora 35
mean girls!!!!
NotGabe 28
I thought the whole Russian spy thing with the elderly was just a myth... Guess not.
dead247 13
So when we get old and kids like you are around they will think 9/11 was a myth to.
imavelociraptor 6
Who believes that 9/11 was a myth??? We all watched it happen. The twin towers are gone. We know who did it... People died... My dad helped the morgue gather the bodies and identify people and stuff, i think. He was an officer there at the time... Really?!??
TheDrifter 24
Don't get too far down that road. The theories are based in a vehement hate for George Bush, Dick Cheney and the values system they represent. Political arguments never end well on fml.
Catkam623 27
There's video footage of the planes crashing as idiotic as George bush was theres no way you can dispute the fact that al-queda hijacked four planes and crashed them into the pentagon, twin towers, and a field.
DanielleinDC 34
Some people believe there were bombs in the towers and that the planes crashing into them was a cover to excuse their collapse. But that doesn't explain the planes that hit the Pentagon and crashed into the field in Pennsylvania. I'm no scientist, but I have every reason to believe that it was structural failure that brought the towers down. And if GWB and Cheney were guilty of anything, it's negligence.
SonOfAMitch 14
I could imagine OP diving under the table shouting 'The target has found out about Mission: Cauliflower! Abort abort!'
jogihoppa8343 23
someone must have shoved a bottle of vodka on his ass and consequently he lost his mind..
mistercrow 9
Well your comment seems to tell me it's not him who lost his mind here....
jogihoppa8343 23
o really..but how is that possible, OP has never mentioned about you i guess... lolz
Shenanigans9 8
13 does some some sense, of a little obscure. Putting alcohol up your ass can lead to it going straight into your blood stream, bypassing your liver. This gets you immediately drunk, and can be fatal.