Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML
Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML
Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML
Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML
Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML
Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished, I jokingly said, "Who's going to sleep in the wet patch?" He got up and said, "You're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing." It was my first time. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML
Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML
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Top comments
bluevayero 42
I still wonder what may have triggered such a dream...
faithlessSheep 5
why make a big fuss, it's just a dream. perhaps u could tell him about ur dream and just joke it away. better luck next time
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Comments (119)
ManInTheMachine 20
Easy fix. Just make him as constipated as humanly possible. Slip him some anti-diarrhetics, and then have the sex of your life! Then slip him a laxative for breakfast the next morning. It's a fool-proof plan!
gracehi 33
Your boyfriend got **** blocked by your subconscious. That's a new one.
lelo007 11
Haha I've had dreams about walking in on my boyfriend with another woman and I'll wake up ill about it. I get over it once the fog in my head has cleared, but I wake up highly pissed!
SunAndMoon427 12
I thought I was the only one who did that! lol and my boyfriend tried to say it was weird to wake up upset from a dream like that. So I'm glad it's not just me.
lelo007 11
32- no ma'am, you are not alone! My boyfriend laughs at me when it happens. He told me once I looked straight at him, called him a cheating twat, and went right back to sleep. I had no recollection whatsoever haha
gracehi 33
I think I've got both you guys beat in weird cheating boyfriend dreams. I had a dream that my boyfriend was dating a girl in another city, but I knew about it and was okay with it. Then he was planning on proposing to her and I even helped him set up the his plans to surprise her. Then it dawned on me that my relationship with him would probably be ruined if he married someone else. Then after he proposed to his other girlfriend I met up with him and asked, "So you're engaged now?" "Yep," He replied. I asked "So now what's gonna happen to me?" Then I woke up.
lelo007 11
Oh yea, Grace, I've had a similar one where I actually set my boyfriend up with another girl. So weird!
SunAndMoon427 12
Haha, yeah I think I had one once where he was cheating on me with someone and his sister and I both knew but we just ignored it and I woke up very confused. Lol
jmad109 3
This is a joke right?
DocBastard 40
Perfect in every way possible? Wow, someone sure is looking at the world through rose-coloured glasses. I await your follow-up FML where you find him ******** on, er, I mean cheating on you with your best friend.
TipOfTheHat 10
Cleveland steamer! Go for it girl! Then neither of you will look at each other!
teriyakioxo 4
That's not a dream! It's a premonition of his one flaw! Beware my child beware :p
sougstad 7
Who knew it would be a hot carl! The sequel to this dream would be mr perfect wiping his ass with his hands and smearing it in your face!!
pradip 26
"Dreams are wishes your heart makes when you're fast asleep." Edit : I'm updated my app did I thread jack you
ManInTheMachine 20
I didn't know you could thread jack an FML! What is this sorcery?
Welshite 40
I actually really like that saying, pradip. I guess I've always subconsciously desired a vehicle made of balloons.
cmars3 7
That saying is from Disneys Cinderella
billyz77 24
Shit first, ask questions later.
toalysium 15
Hopefully he reads FML and decides to run before you hit him with a whole truck full of crazy.
katties 27
I don't see any reason for that she should be crazy? Most people can't in any way control what they dream about.