Today, I got sent home early because a large fire broke out at work. I was greeted by the sight of my cocktard of a "boyfriend" making out on my sofa with another woman. He actually had the audacity and brass balls to claim he thought she was me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sent home from work early because of structural issues. I walked in on my unemployed boyfriend cuddling another woman on the couch. When I confronted them, he freaked out and kept trying to convince me that I was dreaming. I don't know what I ever saw in this loser. FML
Today, my boss left early, so I decided to take an extended break and run home. I found my wife in bed with my boss. I got fired for leaving work. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to visit me at work. With another girl. FML
Today, after getting fired, I went home only to find my boss sitting my living room. Apparently, he and my mom had been dating for months and he felt compelled to let me go because it was a "conflict of interest". FML
Today, I was attempting to trash my cheating boyfriend’s house. While I was pouring gasoline all over his belongings, he decided to come home early with the little homewrecker. FML
Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. I also moved right back out, after I caught him sexting one of his coworkers just a few hours later. FML
Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who is also my boss, was giving me a blowjob at work. Halfway through, his boss knocked on the door and I had to quickly get dressed and slip out the other door. After leaving, I realized that I was still barefoot and I had to walk back to my desk in front of my colleagues. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML
Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML
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Top comments
Slawter16 24
He's an absolute idiot. Break up with that jerk.
kelseythompson 27
He'll need those brass balls for the kicking you should give him
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Comments (131)
NatalieOntheTram 11
Look on the bright side. You got to go home from work early! And now you're no longer dating a massive douchenozzle.
NandaPanda 22
Thumbs up for "douchenozzle"! lolz
jamesheat11 14
He couldn't tell the difference?
joopjoop 19
yes. yes he could.
BrieeBriee 7
You can do so much better then that idiot. .
Accept 11
Captain obvious much. Poor OP
darwinism 30
Was he high to think she was you? Or does he think magic mushrooms turn people into someone else? FYL
hcollins1 18
No, he's just a cheating asshole and tried lying to get out of the situation.
KiddNYC1O 22
There's a bigger fire in your house!
kogeld 9
What a jerk, you deserve better!
imtooshy 18
As lame as that excuse is, he's not the only moron as I've heard that before from a friend. Smfh, what a dick head. Sorry you wee cheated on and hope his Karma comes quickly.
doit4ah15 10
sounds like something that would happen in some stupid ass MTV reality show.......
chocolatefrog28 29
If that was the best excuse he could come up with, you're better off without him, a creative man is worth his weight in brass balls.
joopjoop 19
I'm sorry op, I had a boyfriend use that as an excuse too, but he was living with two of my friends and some **** came over while my friend was getting ready to go to school, where I was, so thankfully she immediately told me... at least you found out sooner than later, the fire at work was a blessing in disguise!