Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML
Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML
Today, I invited an acquaintance over for tea. When he came in, I told him to make himself at home. He took it literally and now half of my pantry is messed up, my boyfriend's chocolate supply is gone, and I'm pretty sure our couch is broken. Thanks. FML
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents over dinner. During the meal, he excused himself to the bathroom, and when he didn't come back after a few minutes, I went to check up on him. I ended up finding him in the living room, pocketing a pack of ambien from my mom's bag. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were house sitting. We were a little on edge because we'd heard noises. We were starting to get intimate, and suddenly the house alarm started going off. We locked ourselves in the room, called the police, and they told us that we were the ones who'd set it off. FML
Today, my boyfriend invited me over for dinner for the first time. The place was full of his ex's stuff, books on the shelves, makeup in the bathroom, clothes in the closet and even shoes on the floor. Not to mention creepy plush toys staring at me. She left him 8 years ago. FML
Today, I returned from a week-long vacation. My landlord told me he had let my boyfriend in my apartment to get something. I don't have a boyfriend. Everything in my apartment is gone. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
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Top comments
flutter4 7
He just wanted extra love from you
lacespace 8
Boo it's a criminal master mind!
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Comments (149)
lacespace 8
Boo it's a criminal master mind!
Futacy 30
I predict a large number of comments containing the phrase "dump him".
lacespace 8
"honey you took exploited my stupidity we can't be together"
lacespace 8
15: why is there a "took" in your comment?
lacespace 8
29: sorry sexy ass girl! I didn't see that
HowAreYouToday 34
The boyfriend should dump you. He deserves better. You sound like a "keeper." Like that?
flutter4 7
He just wanted extra love from you
hopsinlove17 26
I guess he's not man enough to just ask for some cuddle time.
lacespace 8
He's Barney! Next he'll tell her he has poison in his winker and needs someone to suck it out. And yes, she'll be a hero.
Psych101 9
25- That's an... odd connection to make.
lacespace 8
How so? Barney (from How I Met Your Mother)tells ridiculous lies to sleep with women. I think the connection is quite clear.
Psych101 9
31- That's much clearer. I don't watch How I Met Your Mother, so my mind jumped to a certain purple and green dinosaur.
lacespace 8
Haha oh valid confusion on your part. I don't think Barney Rubble even has a penis to be sucked. I will recommend, if not insist, that you watch How I Met Your Mother, though.
meihua 19
Not man enough to ask for a cuddle during sex?
jesustitts 20
43-he wasn't talking about Barney Rubble from the Flinstones, however that's what my first thought was when I saw your post.
sens3sfailing 25
Barney Rubble isn't a dinosaur?! My childhood has been a lie...wait, never mind, the cake is the lie.
BellaBelle_fml 23
^ I believe you are confusing Dino and Barney.
jesustitts 20
Lol was Dino purple and green as well?
ilovesuju 10
Maybe he was trying to kill a spider, shit happens when you do that you know.
lacespace 8
Yes if anything it shows his dedication to the safety of your home
TourettesGuyFTW 26
or it could have been a snake!!
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Oh-oh, I guess some people don't read ALL the recent FMLs..
4Sharks 4
It's clearly Casper the Friendly Ghost.
ohSNAPyall 27
Casper the Horny Ghost!
BlackRogue 8
22-Dobby came back as a poltergeist because he has unfinished business with the laundry and dishes :3
Big_lama6 7
Maybe he was just looking for an excuse to spend some extra time with you?
person961 9
There are no such things as ghosts, and your bf is an asshole.
jackal181 7
Agreed, FYL because your boyfriend would try to scare you like that, but YDI for thinking it was ghosts.
LiesAndMischief 4
41 - YDI seems pretty harsh in this FML. There's nothing WRONG with believing in ghosts and I don't think it makes you dumb either. It's just a different belief from yours, you don't have to accept it but you shouldn't judge them for it either. Unless they're acting bat shit crazy like some supernatural enthusiasts. Then yeah, never mind, they're pretty annoying.
amandajlucas2015 2
And I don't think the boyfriend is an asshole.. Maybe the girlfriend was being neglectful and that was the only way he could get to spend any time with her.. Guys need loving too
Googolman 29
You don't know that ghosts aren't real, and one wouldn't be stupid for believing in them.
docscientist 10
You sort of deserve it because you know, ghosts don't exist. If you approached with respect to reality you'd have saved yourself some time.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I don't personally believe in the supernatural, but I don't think people that do are complete idiots other than those guys from Ghost Hunters. They are idiots.
devore504 7
Ghost are real. My neice is 3 and saw my grandmother. If you dont think they are real so be it but dont talk about people cause they do.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Lies! I shall call Sexual Harrasment-Chipmunk back from the grave to haunt you. I think you can guess why he's dead.
andrew9623 9
Hey, i don't agree with his methods, but maybe he wanted to spend more time with his girlfriend and didn't know how to go about it.
secretsymbiote21 5
wow, thats devious!
connecting_dots 0
How is it devious? :p would you like the extra "love"?
BellaBelle_fml 23
^ I'm trying, unsuccessfully, to 'Connect the Dots' in your comment.
FMLTuna 6
woooooooo i'm not your boyfriend. I'm a ghost!
trulymickeyj 13
Haha lol
_Giggity_ 3
I'm not a shopping list.... I'M A GHOST!
emeraldisle 30
At least your place isn't haunted.
flutter4 7
That's a good thing to know
TheyStoleMyPiggy 6
Personally, I can't believe you fell for that.
p3mguin 7
Just tell me, if you got home and everything was pushed to the side and flipped you wouldn't think something was up?
ICastillo 25
Ya she thought there was some "Paranormal Activity" going on at her house.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Paranormal activity? More like abnormal asshat. (that's catching on!)
evilplatypus 39
53 - I'd think something was up, by my mind would not jump to "OMG, ghosts!" My first reaction would be to believe it was a prank of some kind and set a trap for the prankster.
jesustitts 20
My first reaction wouldn't necessarily be ghosts. It'd be "my boyfriend is an asshole and moved everything around." Because he would actually do something like that.
Cruisnic 1
My first thought would be, that the place got robbed.