Today, I was sent home from work early because of structural issues. I walked in on my unemployed boyfriend cuddling another woman on the couch. When I confronted them, he freaked out and kept trying to convince me that I was dreaming. I don't know what I ever saw in this loser. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got sent home early because a large fire broke out at work. I was greeted by the sight of my cocktard of a "boyfriend" making out on my sofa with another woman. He actually had the audacity and brass balls to claim he thought she was me. FML
Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML
Today, while driving home from work, I saw my boyfriend mugging a woman on the sidewalk. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to visit me at work. With another girl. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment for the first time, only to see another girl walking out. I accused her of cheating with him and we got into a fight. Turns out I was at the wrong apartment. He lives next door. FML
Today, a guy I went out with twice, and slept with once, came knocking on my door, hysterically crying. Apparently his wife found out about “us” and kicked him out. He’s now asking where he can put his stuff, since he’s now homeless. I had no idea he was married, and she’s now looking to fight me. FML
Today, after a long day at work, I fell asleep in my living room. When I woke up, I saw a man leaving my bedroom wearing my pajamas, and I started screaming as he casually left. The cops came and apparently he's mentally ill. He truly believed it was his house. FML
Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. I also moved right back out, after I caught him sexting one of his coworkers just a few hours later. FML
Today, I went home with the guy I’ve been casually seeing. His place was a disgusting pigsty so I made an excuse to leave. Later he texted me, ending things. Online I saw him bitching about how no one can pass his “girlfriend test” and that a real woman would happily clean for her man. FML
Today, after getting fired, I went home only to find my boss sitting my living room. Apparently, he and my mom had been dating for months and he felt compelled to let me go because it was a "conflict of interest". FML
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Top comments
emleahlie 0
Leave him and tell his ass to get a job.
perdix 31
Are you sure you didn't catch his long-lost twin brother, the one with the terrible accent?
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Comments (155)
emleahlie 0
Leave him and tell his ass to get a job.
airforce987 20
Failception.
babybrunette128 8
Slap him in the face continuously. And say your only dreaming.
monkeys1315 0
Leave his jobless ass
allenye818 2
Kick him out & keep the wii
danishbagel 3
37, but nobody loves the Wii!
ScarletBloom 14
But do people want a lazy ass?
Jovecove 13
Must be the same guy with the twin brother and weird accent.
chell1894 13
Genius idea..
Snookie85 19
I agree, why isn't he working?
tjv3 10
at least he didnt say "it wasn't me"
rallets 23
saw me banging on the sofa (wasnt me) shaggy!!
newlove_fml 0
I totally saw what you did there XD
newlove_fml 0
Sorry, i meant to say to #25, totally saw what you did there XD To OP, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Gotta give him some credit for a creative excuse though! He must have had plenty of free time, what, without a job and all.
lolwtfwasthat 0
Good call... He's a jerk. Dump him tell him if he doesn't have his things out by next week you shall commence in burning them.
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
A penis to give you pleasurable sensations? ****** don't take out the trash.
MyLifeIsWierd 12
Well said sir
tanneriscool 2
I see what you did there 2...
missdaulton 0
...what is your point? Neither do men!!
slick5880 22
Wasn't quite the man of her dreams.
rexgar2000 10
LOL holy shit this is hilarious.
David_knie 2
"you were dreaming" classic..
srsly555 0
Dude ya might wanna check yer German. The only thing you can love in the German language is a person... And favoriten?? Srsly? Try lieblings ... Not too bad otherwise
srsly555 0
Scheisse! Mein Deutsch ist manchmal nicht so gut. It's been a while.. Lulz
TheJessica10022 6
OP, you can get a better hardworking boyfriend!
bjdavey 8
The your dreaming technique never works unless you hit them over the head with a saucepan.
Anubyte 0
You sir win
leesh85k 0
Omg!!!! U poor thing!! What a jerk off!!!
danishbagel 3
Grammar please.
katt_is_here 24
Bah, he explained it while I was typing.
IfTheKeyFits 3
A jerk-off who jacks off.
DudeBTM 8
46, the grammar is correct. They're just using text language.
leesh85k 0
Ur mum does #90...:):) u asked for it... Lol
leesh85k 0
Ur a douche!!!
jessicaaababy 8
You deserve so much better! You deserve a boyfriend who can support you and who is trustworthy and loves you :)
jessicaaababy 8
Well she shouldn't be supporting his lazy, ungrateful, cheating ass that's for sure :)
Jennyboo5797 4
Why does supporting someone always have to be about money??
MagicallyFat 12
Calm down geez lol 2 incomes are better than one.
bxe255 9
Pentadik, having a partner who 'can' support you is probably more relevant today than in the 1950s, so if she were to fall pregnant or develop an illness or couldn't work for whatever reason, she would have a back up plan. Not saying the man HAS to support her or that it's impossible alone, but I'd say she deserves someone who at least makes an effort to look for jobs instead of screwing other women.
rldostie 19
I agree with Pendatik. In today's day in age, no one should be expecting a man to support a woman simply because he's a man. And even looking for a man who COULD potentially support you is far-fetched. In today's economy, it takes two incomes to get by in a comfortable manner. A man shouldn't be expected to financially support (as inferred by the first poster) his girlfriend simply because of what swings between his legs. Nor does a woman "deserve" to be financially supported simply by virtue of being a woman.
cinderella10383 6
What about us women who like being stay at home mothers and our husbands being the only one employed outside the home? I love the way my hubby is kind of like the 50's opens doors, sweet, no problem supporting our family even when we were dating he always paid I never expected him too but I never told him not to
rldostie 19
Cinderella, that's fine, but your choice has nothing to do with the conversation. It's not the action that is the issue, but the demand or expectation based solely on gender that is the problem.
newlove_fml 0
To rldostie and pandatik, you both prove such valid points. Funny how women want jobs and rights and equal treatment, but they want the man to do all the real work, and, my favorite, the ever annoying "Oops, can't punch me back, imma girl~~~" statement.
mzimaginarium 1
Because love can't pay the rent.
bxe255 9
143, you are a true idiot. not punching women has more to with the fact men are often physically stronger and have more of a tendency to take the violence too far. So yes to equality, no to domestic violence ( against both genders)
Istalkrexgar2000_fml 0
lol Not even gonna lie. That's hilarious.
Snookie85 19
Lmao
cassiebear7652 7
lol Not even gonna lie. You're a jerk.
perdix 31
Are you sure you didn't catch his long-lost twin brother, the one with the terrible accent?
Rainbow_dumpster 28
I love U, Perdix. xDDD;
Joey44 15
Win!
lincolntwo 0
Your boyfriend's an idiot. You may now slowly move on.
False_Stupidity 42
Why slowly?.. Dump his cheating ass and run!