Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML
Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML
Today, I was awoken by the sound of my dorm roommate having sex three feet from me. He was sober, knew I was there, and has a deployed military girlfriend. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML
Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML
Today, I share a room with a person who masturbates noisily every morning at 5 a.m. like clockwork. Only I can't really say anything, because she's literally deaf. I wish she could hear herself. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML
Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML
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Top comments
FunWriter20 0
Lol, I hope you helped her out.
MCart_fml 0
Seriously, why be the only one not getting off? Sleep is for the weak.
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Comments (92)
rihno13 2
cool!!!
ihategeishas 0
OMG if you didnt F--- her, YOU'RE RETARDED!
TBR 0
lol i saw this being the clasic Jim Levenstein moment.
Honda288 2
Exactly what I was thinking.
JustAGirl_fml 0
What did you just lie there? Way to make your girlfriend feel like dirt.
NotoriousMandog 0
how is this a FML at all, she's horny, you're there... problem solved.
quietstorm1 0
Are you joking? That's awesome!
Timmytwofinger 0
that is so hot, why the **** weren't you ******* her brains out?
alpuppy 0
oh my god my girlfriend was masturbating next to me noooooo. jesus.
greenfairy_fml 0
um, if I was your gf I would want you to offer another hand or to join in...not complain about it on a website. and #35 and #40... maybe she's too polite to wake up her bf at 6 A.M. ... that's rude. whether it's for sex or not.
speedHog 0
What is wrong with you? As a female, I find this a disappointment. I feel bad for your girl. People get turned on to ****/sexual noises. That's why there is so much of it. There. Mystery solved. In fact, would have thought for a guy it would be one of those "holy crap! you're just like us!" moment and then get turned on like never before at at this. 90% of the males on here are correct. Man up!