Today, I share a room with a person who masturbates noisily every morning at 5 a.m. like clockwork. Only I can't really say anything, because she's literally deaf. I wish she could hear herself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, as usual, my flatmate is so loud when talking face to face that my ears and head rattle. I can't say anything because how dare I suggest there's anything wrong with my roommate's hearing. Yet nobody else talks this loud. FML
Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML
Today, my friend spent the night. I now know that she masturbates in her sleep. FML
Today, my roommate set her extremely loud alarm clock for 5am and continued to hit the snooze button every ten minutes until 7:30. FML
Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML
Today, I'm stuck with sleeping in the same room as my mother. The problem? Her snores are extremely loud and a full minute long. I'm not kidding, I timed it. FML
Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Write her a note? Good thing I have an advanced degree so I could come up with such an original, brilliant solution.
Anderling 33
I don’t think anyone’s winning, here. You could ask her to pick a different time, maybe? She can’t help being loud, but she *can* pick a moment when you can turn on some music to drown it out instead of getting woken up.
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Comments (4)
Anderling 33
I don’t think anyone’s winning, here. You could ask her to pick a different time, maybe? She can’t help being loud, but she *can* pick a moment when you can turn on some music to drown it out instead of getting woken up.
RichardPencil 32
Write her a note? Good thing I have an advanced degree so I could come up with such an original, brilliant solution.
Will Lawrence 3
write her a effin note that says I can hear you... her shock and uncomfortability will cause a change