Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML
Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML
Today, I was awoken by the sound of my dorm roommate having sex three feet from me. He was sober, knew I was there, and has a deployed military girlfriend. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML
Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML
Today, I share a room with a person who masturbates noisily every morning at 5 a.m. like clockwork. Only I can't really say anything, because she's literally deaf. I wish she could hear herself. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML
Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML
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Top comments
FunWriter20 0
Lol, I hope you helped her out.
MCart_fml 0
Seriously, why be the only one not getting off? Sleep is for the weak.
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Comments (92)
crash9805 0
Definitely not an FML...should have been more spontaneous and jumped in to help her!
coopeoples 0
i think YDI because you should have start to hit that a while before you noticed she wanted some shit
ertw 0
lol # 15 amazing :D yeah sorry man, epic fail. I'm a GIRL and i know what you shoudl have done lol
o76923 8
Don't feel bad about it, she's got at least a dozen years more practice than you do at that and since you've only dated her a few months (probably), it really isn't going to be worth comparing. Really though, what you should've done was earn some brownie points. Kissing her, caressing her, just doing whatever to please her would've definitely helped you out in the long run. She's already been going at it for 3 hours so that's 3 hours of work you don't have to do. It shows that you don't have a problem with her enjoying herself (which you shouldn't). Finally, it shows that you actually did something for her without expecting anything in return. In the long run that would've turned out great for you. Alternatively, you could've just shouted "SHAZAM!" and went back to pretending to sleep.
boredaltogether 0
Man you have to get in on that. Not quite sure why you werent doin the same thing your room mate was a few seconds later.
ILIEKGIRLS 5
you should've helped her out... ;)
volleyball16 0
Well, that's the time to get you some!
secret576 0
Who could resist that? Why didn't you help her?
HaHa_Sux4_U 0
First of all #12 ur a complete dumbass and I agree with everyone saying u should of gotten on top of her
FML_Add1cT 0
You weren't even gettin any?! Hopefully y'all are sexually active. If not fyl