Today, I realized why it's a bad idea to store your business cards and your "emergency condom" in the same handbag compartment. I realized this after a client watched me miss the cards and pull out the condom after our lunch meeting. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML
Today, thinking I was being very generous, I lent my jacket to a new co-worker. I guess I should have checked my pockets before I did, I’m not sure that leaving 3 different flavors of condoms in them made a good impression. FML
Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML
Today, I had just reached in my purse without looking to grab a granola bar when my boss walked in my office. We talked for a few minutes as he kept giving me strange looks and looking at my hand. He left and I realized I hadn't taken a granola bar out, but a tampon instead. FML
Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML
Today, I went for a job interview. Before giving me a tour, the manager pointed to my purse and said, "Better leave that in my office." I didn't know why it was safer in her office than on my shoulder, but I complied. Later, I went to buy coffee and discovered that all my cash was missing. FML
Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML
Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my toddler. At the checkout, I realized that I forgot my wallet at home. As I frantically searched my purse, my toddler shouted, "Mommy, do we need this?" and held up a box of condoms she'd grabbed from a nearby shelf. Everyone stared. FML
Today, after shopping alone at a grocery store, I was taking my groceries back to my car when a kid grabbed one of my bags and ran. Deciding not to risk leaving the rest of my groceries stranded, I didn't chase him. Later, I realized that was the bag my credit card was in. FML
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Top comments
James64138 26
Well, if he's that kind of client...
MelTheGreat 23
That's some risky business.
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Comments (69)
James64138 26
Well, if he's that kind of client...
Lucia_Malpense 14
The client might've been a girl... That might have been slightly less awkward.
meganfoxissexy 0
You should have said, "oh sorry, this is for my night job" ... Then slowly place condom back in briefcase
raraisbang 12
9, how? It would've been more awkward if the client was a guy, seeing as OP is a female.
raraisbang 12
Oops, my mistake misread 9's comment. *puts on shameface* Feel free to thumb me into oblivion, guys!
StalkerChick 13
In **** logic, they would've banged on the lunch table.
gracehi 33
Oh no! The internet's broken! *hides in bomb shelter*
Pandacupcakelove 26
That could have turned into an awkward misunderstanding...
enchi999 8
Because someone pulling out condoms to give to you instead of their business card isn't awkward or misunderstanding at all
siickman 7
2, i am pretty sure it already was an awkward misunderstanding. If it wasn't, then i don't think we would be reading about it on here. Just saying o_o
pickles1994 18
Derp, nuff said.
MelTheGreat 23
That's some risky business.
Airman1988 9
No it just means he is prepared for business or pleasure lol
olpally 33
24- that comment is a movie reference... Great movie btw. :)
nb1234 8
Actually it's not as risky if you use a condom... ;)
MormonPornstar 7
Are you having sex with an iron condom? Because I've personally broken a few, and it's still risky.
perdix 31
Or risqué business, as the case may be ;)
TourettesGuyFTW 26
49 - putting it over your head does often come with the risk of tearing it up.
KiddNYC1O 22
24- "You're the business, this is pleasure." *Files blade*
NicollieO 7
FYL! But you should have known to keep condoms away from anything business-like.
onlychildFTW 34
Never keep condoms and business cards together. Common sense OP.
onlychildFTW 34
Then you probably won't need business cards. Only condoms.
Osito2011 9
Sex must have bee on op's mind, or the texture of the condom wrapper must have felt like business card paper.
spiritfang11237 16
53 - if it is that kind of buisness the condoms can be the buisness card. just put the information on the wrapper and vola, you just killed two birds with one stone.
TheNewGuy03 29
You guys are reading into this one way too hard.
trp2wondrland 9
I hope he had a good sense of humor
OhAidan 7
I'd laugh, I can see a mistake like that being made, but I guess not everybody would.
CheeseTron 15
He probably saw it as an opportunity
enchi999 8
I sure hope he didn't.
Marrach 7
Unless , he's a fat man who eats cake.
AKGirlinSD 20
11, he probably did. But he did find out she practices safe sex.
letmehavemytea 21
You should get a small zip up purse or clothe container to store your condoms in so that it's always covered in your bag. That way nothing embarrassing will happen if your bag's contents spill and there's no way you'll accidentally hand someone something you'll regret.
kakarot2 11
So did the client purchase your merchandise?
TrailblazerSS 5
At least you're practicing safe sex!
ManInTheMachine 20
Cum on, OP! That was willy irresponsible of you. An idiotic move like that could have severe cocksiquesnces in the future. With luck, it didn't rubber the wrong way, and I hope you apologized for your latex act of stupidity. Learn from this phallicy, and if all goes well it won't happen again.
BellaBelle_fml 23
My god! The puns are amazing! Woo!
ManInTheMachine 20
Doc? Please, he can't do anything to me! It's not like he's a god or anyth
trivel64 16
Sex time, be more careful!
Werken247 14
Well done MiM, very impressive!
lex1459 38
Hopefully this won't dicktate the future of her job.