Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
Today, I farted in front of my husband. It somehow turned into a farting war. Then I realized this is the closest we've come to intimacy in a week. FML
Today, I got to be an innocent victim caught in the middle of a farting war between my boyfriend and my 10-year-old son. I fear my sense of smell will never recover. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML
Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to re-enact a scene from Family Guy. He locked me in the car with him and farted deadly ones repeatedly. He wouldn't let me out until I learned to "love the gas." FML
Today, my husband and my daughter engaged in a fart war. Guess who go to do a pile of shitty laundry, while the other texted his friends about the “hilarious” incident? FML
Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML
Today, we had cabbage. A lot of cabbage. The farts are so horrid I can barely stand myself. FML
Today, in my sleep I let out a couple of farts. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but on this night I had slept in my mom's room. She came to check in on me and violently woke me up because she thought I pooped in the bed. Now my entire family knows I fart in my sleep. FML
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Top comments
kmccain 27
May the odds be ever in your favor
paulkeppel 0
gas them out until they surrender. show no mercy!
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Comments (163)
paulkeppel 0
gas them out until they surrender. show no mercy!
philipino 24
If they watched the movie first and then started because they thought it would be fun, OP could go ,"ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?"
philipino 24
Or you could "kill" them all. *shrugs*
thiscrazything 1
Eat broccoli and hard boiled eggs. Wait for the fermentation, then......nothing but sweet revenge is in your hands, or should I say...cheeks.
biggestfan23 11
Ahhh family bonding at its finest
naughtia 14
Not a good time to start smoking
RochelleRedvines 8
And may the stench be ever in your favor!
ComTlancy 12
Hitler tried that and look what happened.
fymother 13
Two ingredients you'll need for the win: Red meat (for quality) Beans (for quantity - can also be substituted with boiled cabbage)
sexylol_fml 4
That sucks!! :( I WANT TO SEE THAT MOVIE SO BADLY THOUGH!!!
KeyboardWarrior 10
62 If you read the book, the movie will most likely be a disappointment. Just look at the Percy Jackson movie. They completely butchered the story.
GovernorGeneral 8
Beans. Suffocate. Win.
amber551133 5
they should be more worried about pink eye than blindness
dontpanic_fml 32
Yeah that's what I'm sayin 91, that's the real danger I'd think
livefreelylee 0
pink eye could possibly cause blindness.
littlemissalex 3
I sincerely hope you have a lock on your bedroom door.
ladyLALAA 29
Me too, poor OP. Good luck with the pinkeye.
rattusrattus 19
Seeing as he's UK, unlikely. If you put locks on doors that counts it as a separate 'residence' in terms of TV Liscencing, or another £140. Or, to put it another way: if you want to put a TV in your bathroom, you have to pay for another TV License.
ElegantisDM 0
^That sucks!
excelexcel 5
The Hunger Games is an amazing book series .. Just sayin'
rattusrattus 19
@29 It is most vexing, yes. The enforcement agency is kind of Orwellian about it. OTOH, no TV license, no BBC.
Nuclear_Ninja 6
Just barricade the door. Problem solved.
ygdrassil 17
Do you own a gas mask?
RecklessJellyBea 7
I suggest you stock up on Febreeze.
SugarCrazy 14
Or a gas mask..
Krysk_fml 0
Or a fan
jabfinch 9
Or a window? Oh I've got one even better, they all grow up and stop acting like idiots.
GovernorGeneral 8
^ Or you can just go out and buy a pack of a sense of humour. Pretty heavy price but its worth it if you arent born with it.
smallsmerry123 5
For hunger games, they sure will ruin an appetite.
dulayole 6
Get a #6 from taco bell and some tacos from jack in the box and let the nuke rip.
_Meghan_ 5
Pun intended.
Omg_its_Chloe 6
Just don't light a match >_<
dessaye 19
Then we'll have no girl on fire :(.
AngrehPirate 0
Oh man op, that stinks!
ClassyCommando 13
The house is "Catching Fire"! Sorry, I had to. I really did.
Rxoxdx 0
Lol they light a match, hunger games is gone
darien987 1
Your family is hilarious...
kmccain 27
May the odds be ever in your favor
ClassyCommando 13
Fight your way to the centre of the house. There you will find plentiful beans, and other gaseous munitions provided by your wealthy, generous sponsors. Yeah, I'm talking about your rich grandparents.
Jamialia 5
They must be Careers.
mkat2000 6
Whoop! Whoop! I am OBSESSED with those books!!!! And guess what, the movie comes out the day after MY B- DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
alival 12
They just want a good show! That's all they want!
Jaxx66 21
Run away! May be safer to stay in your room and keep a window open.
fcukU30to1 2
Put a stink bomb in each of their pillows!
Prince_V2 2
No, don't do that. Train for the event. Stick your finger up your ass, then waft the aroma.
Riya2595 15
Eat some beans or sprouts!