Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
Today, I farted in front of my husband. It somehow turned into a farting war. Then I realized this is the closest we've come to intimacy in a week. FML
Today, I got to be an innocent victim caught in the middle of a farting war between my boyfriend and my 10-year-old son. I fear my sense of smell will never recover. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML
Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to re-enact a scene from Family Guy. He locked me in the car with him and farted deadly ones repeatedly. He wouldn't let me out until I learned to "love the gas." FML
Today, my husband and my daughter engaged in a fart war. Guess who go to do a pile of shitty laundry, while the other texted his friends about the “hilarious” incident? FML
Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML
Today, we had cabbage. A lot of cabbage. The farts are so horrid I can barely stand myself. FML
Today, in my sleep I let out a couple of farts. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but on this night I had slept in my mom's room. She came to check in on me and violently woke me up because she thought I pooped in the bed. Now my entire family knows I fart in my sleep. FML
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Top comments
kmccain 27
May the odds be ever in your favor
paulkeppel 0
gas them out until they surrender. show no mercy!
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Comments (163)
BeBeast2323 1
I love that book... So much. But my the odds be ever in your favor. :/
sabrinamarie3 15
Spray them with febreeze! XD
lockerbilr 0
Do not converse any longer
emmaa3451 11
I think this would be an appropriate time to walk the dog, OP
baybay692 6
My the odds be ever in your favor!!!
Beck01 7
Hahaha, that's hilarious.
Rxoxdx 0
Commander: Sargent get over here! Sargent: yes sir Commander; we've got an entire platoon of methane coming this way! Sargent; what should we do! Commander: .......... Get the Frebreeze
jessesgirl_10_4 1
oh how my 13y/o brother would love to be a part of that. since he is basically a black hole (eating almost any thing in sight), he'd kill us all
jessesgirl_10_4 1
oh just thought of this.. only way you'd win at this point is taking some exlax and then tackle them XD
Captain_Crankypa 2
It's all fun and games till someone ***** their pants!