Today, my sister asked me to explain where to put a tampon. I realized near the end of the conversation that she believed the urine, feces, and blood all came from the same orifice. This began a long discussion during which I was forced to tell her not to put the tampon in her rectum. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to teach my mother that tampons do not belong in the toilet. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me how women could urinate with a tampon in. FML
Today, I had to explain to my little brother that my tampons weren't ear plugs. FML
Today, I got to explain reusable period underwear to my mom, who once had to wear sanitary belts. She was horrified by the idea of underwear specifically designed to be bled into, as opposed to all the accidental bleeding into underwear not designed for it that happens every time I try to sleep on my period. FML
Today, at a public restroom, I caught my extremely eco-friendly daughter, who was on her period, looking through the trash. When I asked why, she said, "Because I'm looking for pads to use. It'll mean less garbage." I then had to lecture her in the public restroom about health and hygiene. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that it’s weird to defecate into your hand and throw it from the shower into the toilet. FML
Today, I walked into a public restroom and, to my utter surprise, saw a lady squeezing blood out of used tampons. We made eye contact, she continued, and I ran out in horror. FML
Today, at my cousin's birthday party, my grandma took me to one side, slipped me a pad, and started ranting that tampons "steal your virginity" and that I should never use them. Well, okay then. FML
Today, while we're on vacation, my 6 year-old son barged in the bathroom as I was changing my tampon. He was horrified and kept screaming, asking why I “pulled a blood rat out of my butt.” FML
Today, I had to explain to my sister why it's unhygienic, socially unacceptable and downright inappropriate to apply Thrush ointment in the lounge room. I realised I wasn't getting through to her when she called me ''Uptight,'' ''Victorian" and ''Prudish'' to name a few. FML
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Top comments
happyhak 5
This is possibly the most graphic scientific FML I've ever read...
LolCakes111 7
If Intelligence is Genetic, your screwed.
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Comments (201)
LolCakes111 7
If Intelligence is Genetic, your screwed.
ThanksKarma 0
Unfortunately people still don't understand where these three areas are. Sounds brutal but I suggest taking her to a doctor with sausage fingers and have him/her explain the difference. She will get it.
yoursucklives 36
i know that many peolpe don't know that there are two holes for urine and blood, but how can someone not notice that they have an asshole!? idon'twanttoliveonthisplanetanymore.jpg
ssoccerchick97 16
@5. I see what you did there. Clever. This is a pretty sucky FML.
dre_bro11 12
1, if intelligence is genetic, OP's sister is adopted.
muhaidib 2
Maybe she just likes it illegal
swimchica22 0
36- oh stop being such a grammar nazi
LiveLaughFML 10
i really like those FML's like this one which explain more about my body parts than i've ever known! =)
yunilee7 4
Oh my.. Girls have 3 holes, 1 for urine, 1 ****** (assuming you know what that is) and 1 for poop.
matt5217 4
she hasn't explored much.....
Jovecove 13
Anal.
InanimateObject 0
One for sucking a wang
abbyelizabeth 9
If her sister was really young it's not all bad.
exleonhart 0
Yunilee! You genius! Thats why in never get oral. There's no hole there!!Because there's only a vag, urethra, and rectum!! How could I be so daft?
FailBear920 19
Wait tampons are not for bloody noses!?
Felix_Felicis15 8
132, if that was a reference to She's The Man, you are awesome.
Felix_Felicis15 8
132, if that was a reference to She's The Man, you are awesome.
FailBear920 19
138, if you are noticing my reference you are awesome.
Felix_Felicis15 8
132 / 146, thank you, fellow human filled with awesomeness.
TrollinYourMom14 3
Why doesn't anyone seem to understand that tampons are for your ears?!
beaglegal 42
What about her screwed?
Strajee 23
*you're oh god the irony
happyhak 5
This is possibly the most graphic scientific FML I've ever read...
dickydickman 0
Wait they all don't come from the same place?
yamatelle 19
38- Apparently not. Urine comes out of the ******, feces from the ********, and menstrual blood from the rectum. I never knew...
yamatelle 19
38- Apparently not. Urine comes out of the ******, feces from the ********, and menstrual blood from the rectum. I never knew...
perdix 31
dickydickman, you are correct. All excreta come out of the crotchetal region, which used to look like a Chia Pet made of Brillo. However, now that women tend to trim and shave in that area, we see there are several holes there, each of which serves up its own delightful surprise. Until 2008, medical science thought that women pooped out babies, until internet **** videos let us take a close look at the hairpie.
Enslaved 38
Is it still called hairpie if it's shaved?(:
perdix 31
Sorry, I'm a little behind on my medical jargon.
bizarre_ftw 22
Yamatelle - I Really like how you managed to reference this FML And another in your comment! Win ^_^
Cat_Daniels 6
Wow Umm there r lots of scientific comments.... No offense but um this is fml not a science thingy
dannyboy66 7
What the tampons dont go up ass holes D: i got to notify someone about this D:
XxREXxX 0
ur such a nice big sissy ;)
XxREXxX 0
ur such a nice big sissy ;)
XxREXxX 0
ur such a nice big sissy ;)
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
Up the butt=screwed :/
FarSide 23
in da butt
amanda_d95 9
What what? In the butt
craZgal321 6
118 omg i flippin love that song
killdozer1 2
If tampons are apparently used to treat nosebleeds, then why not G.I. bleeds?
not_cool808 14
what happened?
crinx034 0
Try actually reading the fml.
Senior29 8
then where? in the belly button?
05559 1
No, the mouth.
rawrlily 0
Both of you are wrong. It goes insode your ear.
rawrlily 0
Yeah. Rarity is JUST THAT AWESOME. On a side note, I thought Flutterbitch was pretty cool.
rawrlily 0
Dash is awesome too.
rawrlily 0
.
Brandi_Faith 34
Can you imagine! She's probably only wiping one area! Doesn't matter if she went both poop and pee, she'd only wipe one spot! And I can't even believe I just wrote any of that, I'm so disgusted with my own self! *shudder*
dragonstrike94 8
Nose
aaaahhDamn 0
28 and 31- The **** are you talking about?!
Senior29 8
nah its the belly button. thats where girls pee from :)
Senior29 8
probably the mlp thing :p
fml8396 0
You made my day!
ameanberg 1
Rarity? Rainbow Dash? How about Twilight Sparkle?
Llama_Face89 34
I'm partial to Twilight Sparkle. Oh. And Fluttershy as Flutterguy.
Llama_Face89 34
92- Screw the non-bronies man! *bro-hoof*. :P
rawrlily 0
Twilight's pretty awesome. But they all pale in comparison to the Great and Powerf- I mean, Rarity.
MadPercussion 0
You guys are fuuucked!
yourlifeisbetter_fml 0
6- Are you too sexy for your shirt?
dreamering 16
Considering her intelligence, did you really use the word "rectum" as oppose to "ass"?
Sammiches 12
I do not se the problem in using rectum instead of ass, because ass includes the butt cheeks and the rectum is the place you actually would stick the tampon.
dreamering 16
Did you spend 10 seconds understanding what was I was trying to say or that just imply that you're using tampons when you have diarrhea?
Ali_Br_fml 33
Hopefully sammiches #9 meant that that was the place where OP's sister could accidentally put the tampon since she only knew about 1 hole, and thought everything came from the 1... I wonder what she wipes when she uses the restroom then... Parents should have taught this child about at least 2 holes for hygenic purposes... Gosh, you'd think she'd notice the different areas when she used them though... like as soon as she started potty training... I thought all parents introduced them... well sis, time to start teaching her... she's old enough to know about, and possibly use tampons...therefore old enough to have a kid if someone doesn't give her the sex talk...and if the parents didn't give her the "where poop and pee come from" talk, I don't think they will be too fast to give the sex talk, and you'll be an auntie before you know it...
akmufasa 1
Well duh you put it in your rectum, to stop the poops! Ohhh wait. Are those supposed to come out? o.O
brunogtz 4
that's what she said!
bizarre_ftw 22
Did you really take that? Seriously? If ever the statement "too easy" were to apply it would be here *facepalm*
WhitneyRuinous 6
Tampons belong in your nasal cavity, it helps stop nose bleeds. :)
bizarre_ftw 22
^I got it ^_^
ChibiGirl5 0
Hahaha she's the man is an epic show
bizarre_ftw 22
Right? And now I want to watch it! Amanda Bynes is an amazing comedic actor!!!
booiloveeyou 0
its an epic 'movie' but same thing :)
unluckiestperson_fml 14
How old is she?!
TardxxxCake 4
Obviously old enough to have her period, you dunce.
MzMegs 20
@119: Which means she could be 9, for all we know.
fml8396 0
Are you an old granny?
HomeAl0ne 20
You mean old enough to experience something that she thinks is menstruation. Who knows, maybe she just has a sweaty butt crack.
sexaybitch 14
Probably not old enough for her period if she thought pee, crap, and blood came from the same place. I'm just taking a wild guess here though. She might just not be very smart.
Omfgitsmia 15
Yeah I was just gonna ask her age lol. She probably should've had sex ed by now if she's asking.