Today, my sister asked me to explain where to put a tampon. I realized near the end of the conversation that she believed the urine, feces, and blood all came from the same orifice. This began a long discussion during which I was forced to tell her not to put the tampon in her rectum. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to teach my mother that tampons do not belong in the toilet. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me how women could urinate with a tampon in. FML
Today, I had to explain to my little brother that my tampons weren't ear plugs. FML
Today, I got to explain reusable period underwear to my mom, who once had to wear sanitary belts. She was horrified by the idea of underwear specifically designed to be bled into, as opposed to all the accidental bleeding into underwear not designed for it that happens every time I try to sleep on my period. FML
Today, at a public restroom, I caught my extremely eco-friendly daughter, who was on her period, looking through the trash. When I asked why, she said, "Because I'm looking for pads to use. It'll mean less garbage." I then had to lecture her in the public restroom about health and hygiene. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that it’s weird to defecate into your hand and throw it from the shower into the toilet. FML
Today, I walked into a public restroom and, to my utter surprise, saw a lady squeezing blood out of used tampons. We made eye contact, she continued, and I ran out in horror. FML
Today, at my cousin's birthday party, my grandma took me to one side, slipped me a pad, and started ranting that tampons "steal your virginity" and that I should never use them. Well, okay then. FML
Today, while we're on vacation, my 6 year-old son barged in the bathroom as I was changing my tampon. He was horrified and kept screaming, asking why I “pulled a blood rat out of my butt.” FML
Today, I had to explain to my sister why it's unhygienic, socially unacceptable and downright inappropriate to apply Thrush ointment in the lounge room. I realised I wasn't getting through to her when she called me ''Uptight,'' ''Victorian" and ''Prudish'' to name a few. FML
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Top comments
happyhak 5
This is possibly the most graphic scientific FML I've ever read...
LolCakes111 7
If Intelligence is Genetic, your screwed.
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Comments (201)
Tinkerbel_fml 0
is your sisters name Hyliry? because this sounds like something only she could say...
Levvy 22
She... has skin, right? With nerves in it? And conscious control of her muscles? Because a lack of those things is the only way I can imagine her being confused enough to think she urinates out of her rectum.
panderluver 0
Too... Many... Big... Words...
Levvy 22
I really, really, really hope you don't mean in the original post.
Tehboyy11 4
Is her parents brother and sister?
kelis_fml 0
Is your sister younger? Often younger girls are very reluctant to use tampons and are unsure about where exactly they go!
Amajean 7
Maybe you should just let her figure it out on her own once she realizes her underwear is soaked with blood.
ohSNAPyall 27
Pads. She is not competent enough for tampons yet. Seriously, it sounds like tampons could put her on the road to Toxic Shock Syndrome.
Dairokutenmaoh 3
You'd think someone old enough to need a tampon would have noticed that they urinated and defecated out of different holes. Seriously, does she think she's a platypus?
elementalz 2
It's never to young to start
NBS93 0
Heh...orifice....