Today, my sister asked me to explain where to put a tampon. I realized near the end of the conversation that she believed the urine, feces, and blood all came from the same orifice. This began a long discussion during which I was forced to tell her not to put the tampon in her rectum. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to teach my mother that tampons do not belong in the toilet. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me how women could urinate with a tampon in. FML
Today, I had to explain to my little brother that my tampons weren't ear plugs. FML
Today, I got to explain reusable period underwear to my mom, who once had to wear sanitary belts. She was horrified by the idea of underwear specifically designed to be bled into, as opposed to all the accidental bleeding into underwear not designed for it that happens every time I try to sleep on my period. FML
Today, at a public restroom, I caught my extremely eco-friendly daughter, who was on her period, looking through the trash. When I asked why, she said, "Because I'm looking for pads to use. It'll mean less garbage." I then had to lecture her in the public restroom about health and hygiene. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that it’s weird to defecate into your hand and throw it from the shower into the toilet. FML
Today, I walked into a public restroom and, to my utter surprise, saw a lady squeezing blood out of used tampons. We made eye contact, she continued, and I ran out in horror. FML
Today, at my cousin's birthday party, my grandma took me to one side, slipped me a pad, and started ranting that tampons "steal your virginity" and that I should never use them. Well, okay then. FML
Today, while we're on vacation, my 6 year-old son barged in the bathroom as I was changing my tampon. He was horrified and kept screaming, asking why I “pulled a blood rat out of my butt.” FML
Today, I had to explain to my sister why it's unhygienic, socially unacceptable and downright inappropriate to apply Thrush ointment in the lounge room. I realised I wasn't getting through to her when she called me ''Uptight,'' ''Victorian" and ''Prudish'' to name a few. FML
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Top comments
happyhak 5
This is possibly the most graphic scientific FML I've ever read...
LolCakes111 7
If Intelligence is Genetic, your screwed.
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Comments (201)
Ninjaknight77 2
@ #75 I go to a Catholic school and we were taught about this, they just highly enforced that we would ruin our "purity" if we had sex before marriage. The girls just learned about girls and the guys about guys.
SteelCladAngel 0
Not every catholic school is the same though. A couple girls who used to ride my bus in school were like the ops sister.
WolfAttac 0
Yea apparently there is like 2 different holes one for pee and idk the other one is for 0__o
margapc 0
Just an advice... Why don't you give her a little mirror?
alival 12
Aren't they suppose to teach girls these things to avoid awkward situations like this?
killabee 0
Bullshit.
jman3113 4
Asking is my favorite band! Gotta love attack attack and august burns red too!!
sky22_fml 7
I remember my first tampon experience...nearly panicked and cried
aimferd 4
I had to do that before! But it was my friend, and she did end up putting the tampon up her rectum...
sadistmonkey 19
Maybe your sister has a cloaca?
jmarie1294 0
I hate people that use unnecessary words, to sound intelligent. -_-. this story could have been short and sweet and straight to the point. Maybe then it would be funny.
Person1233 13
Rectum is unnecessary?
NoOneLovesYou 13
Which one, exactly, do you find unnecessary? You're truly an idiot if you find any of the words to be especially "intelligent." It WAS short and sweet. However, if you do find yourself struggling to comprehend, please go ask your sixth grade teacher for some help in English.
legresley85 1
Okay now I'm really worried about the school system and what they are not teaching these kids. The whole period thing and what holes are for what should have been covered in basic sex Ed classes. You poor teenagers, no wonder your so pisses off all the time, I would be too with a tampon shoved up my ass.
lazerus1974 8
Not the school's job to teach this, it's the parents responsibility!!!
kaykay20 0
Why didn't you have her read the piece of paper in the tampon box? It mentions you put it in the ******. Would have been a good thing to start with and may have educated her a bit.