Today, I was given a new responsibility at the law firm where I work. I'm now in charge of punching holes in every single piece of paper to be found in the office, estimated to be in the hundred-thousands. The reason? I finish my daily clerical work too quickly. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss told me to sort and file all the paperwork he'd been randomly shoving into boxes since 2010. Apparently we're being audited, so he expects me to do eight years of filing in two weeks. There's enough paper to fully stock a large public library. Two weeks my ass. FML
Today, my boss dropped a highly important and dense report on my desk that had to be finished by the end of the day. After the initial panic attack and hours of scrupulous work, I finished. She then asked me to pick up the revised copy, where my name was replaced with hers. FML
Today, my boss asked if I could spare a few minutes to finish off the last of his paperwork backlog. I'm pretty desperate for a raise, so I said sure. Turns out the "small", "should-take-a-few-minutes" backlog consists of 3 desk-high stacks of documents. Goodbye, cruel world. FML
Today, I found out I've been incorrectly sorting thousands of papers for the past two weeks. My boss wanted them sorted by date, but the co-worker who instructed me said to sort them into alphabetical order just to watch me fail. FML
Today, by request from my new boss, I came into work over an hour early to finish some backed-up filing. This seemed like a great opportunity to earn some extra overtime pay. After spending an hour and half filing, I realized I hadn't clocked in for the day. FML
Today, within the span of one day, the owner of the business I work at said I could write "Technical & Compliance Manager" on paperwork where I was the approver for engineered compliance of product regulatory records, but also that I was "basically just a secretary." FML
Today, the boss's arrogant son thought it necessary to demonstrate how to use a hole punch while explaining slowly how he wanted things punched. I have worked admin for years, and I'm the contracts admin, not his PA. FML
Today, while drilling holes in "No Smoking" signs for my job, I gave myself a minor cut that would appear to most as a papercut. I then had to fill out 3 double-sided pages of paperwork. FML
Today, I accidentally stumbled on a method of getting my job done in about a third of the time, so my boss made it mandatory for all employees. Unfortunately, my coworkers now can't slack off pretending jobs take 2-3 hours, and their constant petty revenge bullying is driving me mad. FML
Today, I told my boss I'm going to quit, after months of being abused, doing meaningless work, and working late every day. I was soon given so many new projects that I didn't even have time to write my resignation letter. FML
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Top comments
lex1459 38
I bet that bothers you a hole punch.
deidradanielle 20
Sounds like they just don't want to look bad since you do your work like your supposed to and finish it in a timely manner.
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Comments (49)
lex1459 38
I bet that bothers you a hole punch.
JMichael 26
*applauds*
LittleBastard 20
Quite the punch-line you've got there. Hope I'm not bothering anyone a hole lot with my shitty attempt at being funny. :(
teentee401 37
Well done
knightofdarkness 21
you worked so effectively they trusted you with more work.
Mightyrif 23
He worked so effectively they 'trusted' him with shit work.
1dvs_bstd 41
I'm beginning to see a trend here. If you work too hard, effectively and efficiently, you get more work with no increase in salary to show for it. Lesson? Stall on your work long enough to finish it just before closing.
Daevas 18
This is a nation of procrasti'nation'... Mmk ill go.
RMLrapemylife 14
Punch your boss a new hole..
Zarcissa 34
Maybe slow down a little...?
El_Boxeador 14
If OP is working in a professional environment where there's opportunities to move up, he should try he's hardest be become the best hole puncher there is! He might be given more shit work, but if he keeps being efficient at everything someone is gonna hear of him. Once that happens he's gonna be more likely to move up.
core01 30
It never works like that. Efficiency makes you indispensable in your current position. They won't move you because they can't replace you easily. Companies promote incompetence.
voltroz 18
I'm sad to agree with you. its always extra work but no extra pay
Lorenzo1102 21
"Lawyers"
Puffpie 24
That sucks op :(
foxwasalamb 24
i get that your boss wants to pay you to work. but he's willing to pay you to just punch holes in paper? how is that any better?
EatUrGreens 20
Do you realise how boring of a job that is? lmao
Llama_Man2000 26
Did they tell you where on the page to punch the holes...you could get your own revenge!
Invictus_Anima 5
That wouldn't exactly be smart. I don't think they'd take kindly to someone being a smart ass just because they were tasked with such a boring job, that's a good way to get written up or fired. Especially when it is common knowledge that hole punches go on the edge of the paper, whether it be right or left.
TweetAnne 13
While that is true some documents are hole punched at the top with two holes.
deidradanielle 20
Sounds like they just don't want to look bad since you do your work like your supposed to and finish it in a timely manner.
your_ma 27
It seems like such an obvious solution but you could just take your time doing your other work so that it fills your day?