Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that it’s weird to defecate into your hand and throw it from the shower into the toilet. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, I was at a party. A friend and I went to the bathroom together. She finished, I started to go, realising I need to shit. She was still in the room. People began to knock. My brain told me to snap the shit in half… with my hand. I grabbed the toilet paper with said hand, leaving the bathroom covered in shit. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend once again that the dry skin she picks off her feet belong in the trash, not on our coffee table. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I enjoyed a lovely shower together. It was indeed lovely until her father came into the washroom to say “Welcome to the family!” whilst taking a giant shit. FML
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
Today, I had to teach my mother that tampons do not belong in the toilet. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Are you dating a chimpanzee? It is weird and disturbing. How can you not get distracted when she gives you a hand job? You need to... ... wait on it ... "dump" her.
tipsyone 22
What the actual ****???
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (10)
tipsyone 22
What the actual ****???
weirdncrazy 25
Im very curious how old your girlfriend is
kfchicken 31
in monkey years or human years?
RichardPencil 32
Are you dating a chimpanzee? It is weird and disturbing. How can you not get distracted when she gives you a hand job? You need to... ... wait on it ... "dump" her.
Aiden89 23
I have so many questions
JackWood 21
And you found out how? She did this while you were in the same room?
2deployments1divorce 11
Probably got a face full of poo while setting on the toilet lol
mike3775 39
It’s not weird, it’s freaking disgusting
RichardPencil 32
Especially if she misses the toilet!
legalgravethief 8
Unless that’s your kink, dude! Run a fricken mile faster than usain bolt!
RichardPencil 32
He's a sprinter. He'd kick ass for the first 200m, but then he'd walk the next 1400 or so.
sarsuela 29
Poop in the shower guy, anyone?
benjamn 24
Deuce in the shower and mash it down the drain with your foot. As shared by Adam Carolla.
JackWood 21
Pipes are pipes
Zebediabolical 45
...but did she make the shot?