Today, my son was planning on going clubbing. I disapproved, but no matter what I say he never listens, so I simply offered him some condoms so he doesn't end up knocking anyone up. He just said, "Nah, dad. Get 'em drunk enough and it's anal all the way." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, whilst celebrating my birthday with my friends and family, I met a girl at the bar who seemed interested. She became very disinterested and left after my mother whispered in her ear, "If you go home with my son, make sure he wears a condom." FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, we discovered that our 14 year-old son is having sex. I was mad as hell at him, but by the end his dad completely took over the conversation, congratulated the hell out of him, and gave him money for condoms. If I wasn’t there, I genuinely think he would’ve asked our son for tips on infidelity. FML
Today, despite spending literal years educating my son about safe sex and warning him not to do something stupid like get a girl pregnant at 16, he actually surpassed my expectations. He got her pregnant at 17. Plus she gave him a nasty STD. FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML
Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML
Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML
Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML
Today, at my 6-year-old son's birthday party, I had to explain to my boyfriend that it's not okay to use condoms as party balloons. FML
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Top comments
TheGolfGTI 24
You need to have a serious talk. That is not okay.
MDoremis 38
You must be so proud.
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Comments (242)
the_real_dvd 21
There's something wrong with a man who can't find a sober chick who would **** him. There is something wrong with a man who wants to take advantage of a drunk woman. And there is something gay about a man who prefers anal over pussy.
CruellaDeVil_fml 4
You do need to use condoms while having anal sex...
classicsparkles 17
You mentioned that HIV is still very much so transmitable via anal to the genius, right?
mergeterge 24
You deserve it. He's your son. You raised him.
lyndz_20 8
He's a Bill Cosby in the making and he will pick up and spread some nasty STI in the process
Vlen_fml 20
hey, find a better example, rapist or not Bill Cosby was a very successful man and beloved by many before shit hit the fan (at pretty much the end of his life no less), this kid will not be that.
Vlen_fml 20
I don't get why people are downvoting this, calling someone the next Bill Cosby implies they'll have a majorly successful television and movie run and won't get punished for their crimes until it's far too late for it to even really be much of a punishment.
Christoph_Blaski 12
This is so ******* ridiculous. It's so sad that people feel the need to lie to make themselves feel important..
Riceball__o3o 15
He's a piece of shit.
dyne808 34
Maybe u should'a raised him a bit better
bonermonkey 31
this wouldnt necessarily be rape for reasons said in the comments...but it could so, so easily be. like, if she is too drunk to tell you know, that isn't an invitation into her assholes. remember anything other than yes! means no.
GipsyFromSpace 5
Hello, m'y name is HIV. Wanna be friends?