Today, my son was planning on going clubbing. I disapproved, but no matter what I say he never listens, so I simply offered him some condoms so he doesn't end up knocking anyone up. He just said, "Nah, dad. Get 'em drunk enough and it's anal all the way." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, whilst celebrating my birthday with my friends and family, I met a girl at the bar who seemed interested. She became very disinterested and left after my mother whispered in her ear, "If you go home with my son, make sure he wears a condom." FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, we discovered that our 14 year-old son is having sex. I was mad as hell at him, but by the end his dad completely took over the conversation, congratulated the hell out of him, and gave him money for condoms. If I wasn’t there, I genuinely think he would’ve asked our son for tips on infidelity. FML
Today, despite spending literal years educating my son about safe sex and warning him not to do something stupid like get a girl pregnant at 16, he actually surpassed my expectations. He got her pregnant at 17. Plus she gave him a nasty STD. FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML
Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML
Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML
Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML
Today, at my 6-year-old son's birthday party, I had to explain to my boyfriend that it's not okay to use condoms as party balloons. FML
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Top comments
TheGolfGTI 24
You need to have a serious talk. That is not okay.
MDoremis 38
You must be so proud.
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Comments (242)
amileah13 26
As a woman, this offends me. It's why I have a hard time trusting guys because they take advantage of women and think it's okay if they're face down choking on their vomit while being raped. Not cool. And yes, women do it to men too but it's more common with men doing it to women because we're defenseless while in that state.
snoopyace 0
If a guy is drunk enough, a kid could knock him out:/ both men and women are defenseless in a heavily drunk state
ghetto_child 19
One day if I have a son who says that to me I'd laugh!
Candace7 19
you laugh at rape? cool.
ghetto_child 19
I laugh at the things a guy can say to his father without being taken serious. when it comes to rape, how many of them are a result of a girl who just took 15 shots of tequila to show her gf's how crazy she can party. she meets a guy who's just as drunk, spend the night with him, only to wake up in the morning to see the bad choice she made and then scream rape to take all the blame off of her.
snoopyace 0
PREACH!
expertsmilee 26
Amazingly well put my friend.
mergeterge 24
If a girl has done 15 shots, she cannot consent. Don't have sex with her. That is rape. Period.
Zebediabolical 45
What if I had 15 shots right along with her. Then neither one of us can consent to the sloppy drunken sex. So who's the rapist?
JKPwnage 27
#32 The thing you don't understand is that you have to be sober to legally consent. (That applies to all genders, by the way.)
ClimbingPotato 0
as a girl myself, i second that.
skittleattack 13
If she's not willing to take responsibly for her actions after 15 shots, maybe she shouldn't take 15 shots.
Joseph24689 14
If that's the fact, it eventually becomes "I'll drop charges if you drop charges"
hard_candy 25
yea because the next thing you know he will be using date rape drugs, and then OP will be bailing him out of jail or settling some law suits.
NotGabe 28
Feminists: *ferocious breathing*
tiredofwaiting 25
Did you give him the talk yet?
Kiki242 19
You reaaaallllyyy need to talk to him. He's riding a very fine line.
sarcasmwins 24
Talk to him now before he gets slapped by a girl and as an added bonus a rape charge.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
"Today My son was planning on going clubbing" I could be missing something and it's possible that it's because of the character limit but, how does going clubbing automatically mean he's going to be having sex with strangers? I normally don't play this kind of devil's advocate but is it possible that your son was being a smart ass because he was a little insulted that you automatically assumed he sleeps around? It is possible for one to go to a night club because they just want to dance, or get drunk and dance. Please let me know, I'm genuinely curious about this.
MrConcise 35
I dunno, chilling with homies to me is going to a movie and a steakhouse or something where you can relax and just be bros. Maybe go back home after and put down a few drinks and play some video games before passing out on your friend's couch. I don't have any interest in going out and getting drunk and dancing with my male friends.
MrConcise 35
Come to think of it, we actually *always* end up going bowling too. Why the **** do we go bowling? And why am I always the only one to break 100 pins when we're all sober?
daemonsparta 16
condoms won't protect him from club girl stds. when he tells you it burns when he pees tell him i told you so
persianchick 13
That's sick