Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML
Today, I met a great guy at the bar, and we went back to my place. He left before I woke up, leaving a badly-scrawled note saying, "Gone to work, call me!" I couldn't make out the number. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML
Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML
Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML
Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML
Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML
Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML
Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML
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Top comments
ffpoisongirl 0
Come on honey, never insult a guy about his downstairs mixup. He'll lash out. No offense, but YDI.
LuckyCharms_fml 0
He was just pissed off his junk was malfunctioning
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Comments (183)
hottiegurl 0
LMAO! Wow, very nice. We can't control what we do in our sleep!
baby_love 0
you should make fun of them when they act up and don't redeem their place as scum in the world :]
KeithHarris 0
I'll be nice. You're probably not that bad of a person babylove and I know you didn't mean the cutting in a messed up way. Just trying to crack jokes. no harm done
burberry_fml 0
I didn't mean that the cutting remark was mean to Keith. I'm sure he takes it as a joke. It's mean to people who read this and have actually have had to deal with depression/self-harm/suicide or something either from them or a friend or a family member. It's not funny. Not one bit.
KeithHarris 0
I know what she meant but she didn't mean it. she was just making a joke. Kinda like the special olympics joke obama made. If comedians had to appologize for every joke they made, they'd be unemployed. she was being funny. like I said no harm done.
Boudica 0
Everyone farts in their sleep, don't take it personally. =P
SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0
#76, you're speaking my language. I support what you're saying completely. It's not someone's fault whether they have emotional problems, complications, or difficulties or not. It's an unfair fight.
Ricochet_fml 0
#72, I think it relates more to someone telling you that you have a smelly ******. You certainly wouldn't feel good about them vocalizing it if it was fact. Your sexuality is embodied by one organ (not your **** or possible god forsaken ugliness) and people, man or woman, just don't want people mocking it.
01100110 0
lol YDI
lolololcheese 0
I think its really only an fml if you thought you guys were gonna get married and live happily ever after but then the farting ruined it.