Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML
Today, I met a great guy at the bar, and we went back to my place. He left before I woke up, leaving a badly-scrawled note saying, "Gone to work, call me!" I couldn't make out the number. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML
Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML
Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML
Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML
Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML
Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML
Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ffpoisongirl 0
Come on honey, never insult a guy about his downstairs mixup. He'll lash out. No offense, but YDI.
LuckyCharms_fml 0
He was just pissed off his junk was malfunctioning
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (183)
burberry_fml 0
#79. Thanks. I'm tired of how everyone makes fun of that kind of stuff, and talks about it lightly.
tiltwrestler 0
HAAAAHAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Double standard BITES YOU IN THE ASS, doesn't it girlie? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
yourpathetic 0
Shit you wont get a guy if you keep that shit up dumb bimbo. You sound like a real turn off that i wouldnt even **** you.
Iloveblackmen 0
Baby_Love, is a complete idiot, and shes ****** terrible at trying to insult people, that keith dude looks hella cool, and i agreed with everything he called you dumb bitch. Go get laid by your father cause thats probably the only one who would **** you
KeithHarris 0
#79. I'm not talking about it lightly. I have a friend who's 18 who used to cut herself for years and I would talk to her on the phone when she got that thought in her head and help her through that. But even she jokes about it now. I get it but like I said she was joking. no harm done. Just trying to be the bigger man. #86 - made me chuckle.
amv03c 0
You must be ugly or smell like shit because any guy will agree that they can get it up when they are wasted... getting off might be a little bit difficult but getting it up is never a problem unless there is something wrong with the girl
Mollipop93 0
Hahah, youre freaking nasty!
Iloveblackmen 0
:) And btw baby_love or w.e just because your 18 doesnt mean your a virgin? Dumb ****.
SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0
#87, oh no, I wasn't upset with you! baby_love was the one who was directly poking a jab that was terribly uncalled for towards people who have emotional problems. I give you points to helping your friend. It's a good thing you decided to be the better of the two you guys. =]
QJD 0
YDI for bring a guy home to have sex with after just meeting him. Have you no Standards?