Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML
Today, I met a great guy at the bar, and we went back to my place. He left before I woke up, leaving a badly-scrawled note saying, "Gone to work, call me!" I couldn't make out the number. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML
Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML
Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML
Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML
Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML
Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML
Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML
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Top comments
ffpoisongirl 0
Come on honey, never insult a guy about his downstairs mixup. He'll lash out. No offense, but YDI.
LuckyCharms_fml 0
He was just pissed off his junk was malfunctioning
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Comments (183)
neverland_fml 0
YDI. **** around and you'll only meet more of the same. The guy isn't in it for you, he's in it for your hole so he has no reason to be kind to you.
playful2088 0
that guy is full of ****. girls don't fart.
manlyman 0
wow, guy was lashing out. Maybe if his dick worked he'd wouldn't have cared
had_a_bad_day 0
His fml should be that your farting was more than his body could do
Nick376 0
There are a lot of puritans on this site.
wichitagirl87 0
lmao yeah you deserve that one
leilaniii 0
******* strangers isnt sucha good idea eh
cd5love96 0
You're a hoe. Ever hear of STD's? Maybe he didn't get hard because you were not appealing to him. The alcohol was probably wearing off.
trilo3000 0
shouldent be a ****. Bitch.
everydayisFML 0
You're lucky all you got was dissed on bodily functions and not dead in a cars trunk... seriously, I know you're a *****, but in this day and age, do even ****** really bring strangers home for sex? This shouldn't be an FML, this should be a Thank God For My Life. Unbelievable.