Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML
Today, I met a great guy at the bar, and we went back to my place. He left before I woke up, leaving a badly-scrawled note saying, "Gone to work, call me!" I couldn't make out the number. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML
Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML
Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML
Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML
Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML
Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML
Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML
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Top comments
ffpoisongirl 0
Come on honey, never insult a guy about his downstairs mixup. He'll lash out. No offense, but YDI.
LuckyCharms_fml 0
He was just pissed off his junk was malfunctioning
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Comments (183)
anaphaseii 0
I don't get why everyone goes and calls girls hos for having sex with a stranger. It's the 21st century. Worse things have happened. That said, it was a weak comeback of him. He could've used something cleverer like "You should work on how you turn guys off" or something. As it stands, he could've simply made it up. ;)
baby_love 0
you love black men for a reason im sure go suck a fat one and **** off.
ohhhhshizzz 0
Iloveblackmen: why are you talking about baby_love? are you trying to get that Keith dude to like you? Do you want to meet him and **** together? Bwahah, *******. OP: You aren't a ****, why is it that when girls sleep around they're ***** but guys aren't? Seriously now, and that was lame. Fart in your sleep? He must have still been a little drunk.
symph 0
Baby_love and keithharris, can you guys take your cat fight else where? This is about the OP, not you two.
npk1112 0
well...you are kind of a dumb **** for bringing a random drunk dude home from the bar to have sex. I'd say YDI even for that...but add in insulting his dick; and yeah; you are now a dumb slutty bitch as well.
darkmis1 18
u no, technacly having sex with some1 whos drunk is rape cuz they dont no wut theyre doin.......but YDI 4 that-u shouldnt have said that 2 him(he shouldnt have been there in the 1st place). not a FML.
joemunoz8 0
Next time keep your comments to yourself! Thats funny shit!
sucram 0
I dont have a problem getting it up when drunk (maybe if I only drank beer, but I hardly do that) Must be you...
pinion_fml 0
You're a *****, maybe you should try working on your lack of dignity.
neverland_fml 0
******* around with random douchebags is a great way to meet even more of the same. :)