Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML
Today, I met a great guy at the bar, and we went back to my place. He left before I woke up, leaving a badly-scrawled note saying, "Gone to work, call me!" I couldn't make out the number. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML
Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML
Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML
Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML
Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML
Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML
Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML
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Top comments
ffpoisongirl 0
Come on honey, never insult a guy about his downstairs mixup. He'll lash out. No offense, but YDI.
LuckyCharms_fml 0
He was just pissed off his junk was malfunctioning
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Comments (183)
no_luck83 0
lol @ 21 i would of shaved your head while you where sleeping, now that's ****** funny
lunchmeat317 0
You had it coming, dude. He used your wording - it was retaliation. This situation reminds me of a girl I know - she would say something like that. The wrong thing at the wrong time....but she'd then defend it. She's kind of a bitch. She also farted a lot in her sleep - well, she farted a lot, period. (Maybe you're her. If you are, I'm sorry, because that would suck.) If you're sensitive and tactful, it'll pay off. Maybe keep that in mind for the next drunk guy you ****.
MissUnknown 0
I agree with #3, I think you two are meant to be! LOL
MissUnknown 0
I agree with #3, I think u two are meant to be! LOL
moneyclipred 0
I think that while you probably should not have made fun of his erection problem who the hell hasnt brought someone home from the bar...if they havent they are either boring, not of age or a liar. I am just sorry dude was drunk. You probably didnt even fart he was just embarrassed. LOL. FHL
voblak2 0
Actually, YOU need to work on that. Ever heard of "head"?
deja54 0
Who cares if she went home with some dude from the bar? God damn, people, shut the **** up. And OP, yeah... avoid the whiskey dick.
FYL1010 0
haahahahahah
bbobe900000 0
hahahahahahaha!!!!!! that is hilarious
Art_Vandeley 0
YDI for making fun of his stuff. I would`ve shaved your head in your sleep if you did that to me.