Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was alarmed to hear my daughter's boyfriend talk about dropping the kids off at the pool. She has no children. Turns out he was referring to himself taking a dump. FML
Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML
Today, I told my mom I was going swimming with friends. She told me, in front of them, not to go into the deep end unless there was an adult around because I'm not old enough to swim on my own. I'm 19. FML
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. Depressed, I started telling her about my terrible week. A woman came over and asked me to not be so "whiny and negative" in front of her children. FML
Today, I was at the pool with two boys I babysit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML
Today, my family and I attended a pool party. I never learned to swim, so I didn't bring a suit. When someone asked why I wasn't in the pool, my sister replied in a loud voice, "She's on her period and didn't want the pool to get dirty!" Thanks. FML
Today, I took my 4-year-old daughter to the local pool for swim lessons. As we walked onto the deck she turned to me and said "Mom, that lady has really big boobs!" The whole pool heard, even the man my daughter was referring to. FML
Today, while on a road trip, I stopped at a gas station and told my kids to go to the restroom. My youngest daughter said, "I had to go earlier, but not anymore." FML
Today, I took my class to swimming lessons at the local public pool. One student came out and proudly told me that she'd pooed in the shower, but it was OK because she'd then picked it up and flushed it down the toilet. FML
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Top comments
Mideoyeo 12
Its like people don't even think things through these days
gojira666 7
Thats where my mind went too....
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Comments (182)
gojira666 7
Thats where my mind went too....
TheStoryOfWazza 9
Where?
Screwie 25
Eh, I wish I had a local pool to visit.
NeatNit 33
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
YDI for being intentionally misleading.
THE_A_TEEN 28
^ Yeah, OP meant to be misleading to her friend. This FML was just a cover up to her actions instead of just showing how stupid her friend is by using phrases for strange euphemisms.
bennetts211 2
Did anyone else think of Steve Carell in Get Smart?
SouthernPride95 19
Everyones got a dirty mind these days
lonkite101 14
Wait, I'm confused, seriously, what would it mean?
JustDerpin 11
^OP's friend thought she meant she needed to take a dump.
NuTrees 9
How is that exactly where your mind went? I had to read the FML twice because I thought I missed something. If the OPs friend is raunchy enough to think that's what she meant, I'm surprised she hung up.
ZTD09 2
Suuuuuuure you did. ;D
brackaman 18
At least it's her local “swimming pool” as opposed to going to someone else's “swimming pool” across town. That could've been awkward.
KILLERTOAST13 4
U all realize that this post probably isn't real right? Or am I the only one.
Superstitious 6
I hate euphemisms...if you know what I mean
elidine 0
I see what you did there.
Mideoyeo 12
Its like people don't even think things through these days
TrueTriage 16
And everyones mind is apparently taped nailed and riveted to the gutter.
ss_20_xx 14
There is just no space for simple talk.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
I think about a great deal when I'm sat on my throne.
tennisrapper1 14
It's ironic that OPs friend assumed she was being sarcastic (when she wasn't) because many IDIOTS don't even understand it!
natas_fml 13
Pissing out the window and ******** out the window are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS!
TourettesGuyFTW 26
I was in the car taking a shit!!
n1988e 8
You don't need rude friends like that!!
DegrassixDigimon 5
LOL how?
mariah_victoria 0
wut.
42istheanswer 27
Just because she misunderstood, doesnt mean shes rude. Its a misunderstanding, and thats all it is.
thatKidzmOm 10
Misunderstanding wasn't rude. Hanging up in OP's face, however, was extremely rude.
n1988e 8
That's exactly what I meant.
flamegrilled123 3
Can someone please explain this to me
jaredofmo 22
Your explanation is that you don't know slang.
coolbrony12 3
Kids=poop. Pool=toilet. Get it now?
ydi_4_suking 20
OP's friend thought OP had to take a shit
boofgall 16
37- Yeah, 16 explained it well enough already.
Calyx_fml 22
Do people really use that saying to mean that? I've never heard it.
ALpein 0
When I'm on the phone and I need to shit, I say "I need to shit."
IsAbElLiCiA20 6
62 - Sadly, yes. My dad is unfortunately part of that immature clan that uses those terms to let everyone know when he's gotta go.. He's used that exact one too, but changed it up and said: "I Have to go Drop the Jackson Kids off at the Pool". along with a few others such as: "I Have to go Bomb Iraq", "I Need to go Set Off My Detonator", and the famous "I'm full of ammo and I need to unload".
PantyGAMES 10
My personal favorite is "I gotta take the Browns to the Super Bowl"
EnterSandman_fml 20
My ex-girlfriend used to say she was going to drop a thermonuclear device on Hiroshitma.(spelled as she said it)
lonkite101 14
Really?
jaytee1994 9
I do the same!!!
efemel94 7
Drain the seamonster, release the kraken, turtle heading, touching cloth... The possibilities are endless!
MerrikBarbarian 9
151- I'm glad I'm not your bf o-o
ohjessica 11
In my house we say we have to go lay an egg.
eccentricchic 5
Your dads a racist moron
shamonie22 9
Your friend is an idiot.
olpally 33
Agreed!! I wonder what the friend would say if op said "I have to take the browns to the super bowl" lol.. Oh man... Your friend is a complete moron... I have a gutter mind too, but i wouldn't go straight to thinking that... Lmao
YoungMisfit 9
Guys, taking the Browns to the Super Bowl.
Kbearlove23 0
Nasty mind Tsk tsk -.-
onlychildFTW 34
I have no idea what this FML means right now. What was the friend thinking?
loveit0730 7
Sounds like your friend is a bit of an idiot...
Dylman 6
Sounds like you didn't see 6's comment
DespairFaction 11
I didn't hear anything. You must read all the comments out loud.
TheVelocirabbit 10
Yes. She somehow copied the comment a second after the other was posted. Wonderful logic.
ebonyirony 29
I have to see a man about a horse. No. Seriously. I'm buying one.
evilplatypus 39
And that's the problem with euphemisms. They are confusing when they're true and confuse foreigners (ESL) when they aren't.