Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was alarmed to hear my daughter's boyfriend talk about dropping the kids off at the pool. She has no children. Turns out he was referring to himself taking a dump. FML
Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML
Today, I told my mom I was going swimming with friends. She told me, in front of them, not to go into the deep end unless there was an adult around because I'm not old enough to swim on my own. I'm 19. FML
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. Depressed, I started telling her about my terrible week. A woman came over and asked me to not be so "whiny and negative" in front of her children. FML
Today, I was at the pool with two boys I babysit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML
Today, my family and I attended a pool party. I never learned to swim, so I didn't bring a suit. When someone asked why I wasn't in the pool, my sister replied in a loud voice, "She's on her period and didn't want the pool to get dirty!" Thanks. FML
Today, I took my 4-year-old daughter to the local pool for swim lessons. As we walked onto the deck she turned to me and said "Mom, that lady has really big boobs!" The whole pool heard, even the man my daughter was referring to. FML
Today, while on a road trip, I stopped at a gas station and told my kids to go to the restroom. My youngest daughter said, "I had to go earlier, but not anymore." FML
Today, I took my class to swimming lessons at the local public pool. One student came out and proudly told me that she'd pooed in the shower, but it was OK because she'd then picked it up and flushed it down the toilet. FML
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Top comments
Mideoyeo 12
Its like people don't even think things through these days
gojira666 7
Thats where my mind went too....
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Comments (182)
somewizdom 15
Tell her to eat your kids.
OttersIsAwesome 8
Tell her you're going to send pics.
sporty1200xlr 6
My old boss used to do that..
doodlecloud 27
Haha, that's pretty funny but no big deal...was a bit rude of her to actually hang up as opposed to saying 'why are you telling me that' or 'what the hell, do you know what that means' in which case the confusion could have been explained but if that's the only problem with her then I'm pretty sure you can just ignore it. And I've never heard that phrase actually used in real life either, only in that song about poo from Scrubs. I probably wouldn't have noticed what it meant straight away either. : )
allthepotatoes 1
Yeah, hanging up was definitely the dick move.
loserman67 36
Call her back, apologize for the misunderstanding and then during the conversation, tell her you have to go pinch off a loaf. After she hangs up, call her back and tell her you were baking bread and ask her what is her problem. Then as she explains, excuse yourself and say that you need to get rid of some Tootsie Rolls. After she hangs up again, call her back, tell her you were throwing out some old, stale Halloween candy and tell her to explain why she is so hung up on bathroom issues. As she explains, cut in, tell her she's boring you and you really need to go take a massive shit, then hang up on her!
eatsleepjb 8
I just laughed for like 20 minutes....you should be a comedian!
bmkc4 1
That was some funny shit lol
rcgirl2 11
What is wrong with people nowadays? It's like they got abducted by aliens and they stole their brain so they can't think anymore.
ForeverAloneGal 23
That is an awesome euphemism for pooping, though. You can't deny that.
tennislove11 2
hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!....awk
THE_A_TEEN 28
Who let the bird in here?
RedPillSucks 33
Now I'm stuck on the Black Eyed Peas, "Who let the dogs out"
KiRaKaT 9
I don't think the black eyed peas sang that song
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
97- It was the Baha Men, for the record.
RedPillSucks 33
oops...
sporty1200xlr 6
That's actually pretty funny... Time to take the Browns to the Super Bowl.
kat12856 4
My favourite (:
krysxkatastrophe 14
Perhaps you should have said "I need to take my kids to their swimming lesson." instead. If it were me, I probably would have caught myself before or quickly rephrase.
sporty1200xlr 6
Too many people are uptight about this and have a shitty sense of humor.