Today, I had to slowly explain to my brother that spooning has nothing to do with using a spoon to clean out a woman's vagina after sex. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to explain to my brother why it's not OK to stick his knob in the toaster. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML
Today, I had to explain to my little brother that my tampons weren't ear plugs. FML
Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML
Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML
Today, I had to explain to my brother why he can't go on dates with my new boyfriend and me. FML
Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML
Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that me switching to "super" sized tampons does not mean I've been having sex with other men with bigger penises, and that my vagina hasn't been "stretched bigger". FML
Today, I realized that the "toothpaste" that I'm always cleaning out with my hands from the sink drain is actually my little brother's semen. FML
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Top comments
coklara 15
Better now then later...or else his girlfriend would be really disappointed.
cutycat136 28
Where would he have even gotten the idea that that's what it was?
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Comments (97)
daken96 21
No, it's using a spoon as a *****. Up the butt. Duh.
Patriots21 14
Why don't you just go ahead and sit the next couple out.
radiocaf 29
I think she was joking, being ironic.
Feklfekl2222 32
Nah he was using it to felch with class, not as a *****
shemademedoit 20
i think its time you also told him that baby sitters aren't people that sit on babies
ThaReaper319 19
if I where you, I would at least clarify that you were being sarcastic.
daken96 21
I've been on the internet long enough to know that people who are experienced with online chatting can tell sarcasm just like in a face to face conversation. And having to clarify that takes the fun outta it XD
mushroomcassette 21
Tasty!
jackthekeeper 24
might I ask how old your brother is?
lantz4levi 19
Why'd this get so many down votes?
ironmany_fml 23
incorrect use of english probably
TheManInWhiteXx 9
@80 There was not an incorrect use of language in #3's comment. Punctuation, sure, but his/her comment is grammatically correct. #3 probably got down voted because people on this app seem to enjoy it.
coklara 15
Better now then later...or else his girlfriend would be really disappointed.
dragomatic 4
Or traumatized
Zack325 10
Or turned on
thatguynamedsky 32
i dont know if a spoon would.. uhm... cause pleasure
LunaRebirth 7
Now THEN later? Why not just now or later?.. or never
brand125 17
36 - it would if you used it correctly? hahaha
Dick_diamond 22
Or than..
sonasonic 34
I don't think it'll be effective birth control though.....
cutycat136 28
Where would he have even gotten the idea that that's what it was?
slingerslasher 24
Yeah, everyone knows you actually use a spork to clean it, not a spoon
PePziNL 20
The internet's a beautiful place, isnt it?
brand125 17
5 - his imagination. if he heard the word when talking about being in bed with someone, a horny teenager could assume a spoon was being used sexually
xx000o 27
He's from Texas, they do things differently down there.
Chiharo 15
To much Urbandictionary.com??
theTravinator 21
At least he cares enough to clean it afterwords I guess? Maybe use wet wipes or something though- I doubt a stainless steel spoon would be an efficient tool of vaginal cleaning. But what do I know
Pat5519 14
Probably not much since I'm sure you've never been laid.
Mauskau 36
#21 that's not very nice, #6 could be a stud. Yes, it is good that he's thinking about helping with the clean up process (some people don't and would rather care only about themselves) but he's very misinformed. Spoons can have what would seem like sharp edges so it'd cause more hassle than its worth, and it'd be very weird to try and do.
theTravinator 21
I was making a joke lol, and i was thinking of it in the sense of actually scraping around and scooping it up. But damn I guess that was a really shitty joke according to everyone
theTravinator 21
I can't believe 41 ******* morons downvoted me because they thought I was serious. A ******* SPOON, really. I thought sarcasm was something this site was catered to but you dipshits couldn't read it and comprehend it enough. I even said "I guess?" At the end to add emphasis to my sarcasm. ******* retards- the lot of you. (Go ahead and downvote, rant is over)
AcieMcG 21
Someone who calls themselves Travinator is not a stud, watched too much American Pie there kid.
theTravinator 21
#88 Tbh I've never seen that movie before, and I can't believe I just got insulted by the literal living definition of butterface. Holy shit.
theTravinator 21
You look like that Asian guy from the hangover- if he gained a lot of weight and then deprived himself of sleep for a month
chocolatefrog28 29
Spooner or ladle, he was going to have to learn. What the fork are they teaching in sex ed these days?
MrConcise 35
Meh, sometimes you just have to take the plunge and risk being wrong. ... What do you mean plunger isn't a silverware pun? Nobody else eats cereal from their plunger?
DFMLharsh 20
#43: Fail x 1000 You can sob the pain away now.
DFMLharsh 20
#7 im sure OP's brother missed all the sex ed glasses in school.
coklara 15
Better now than later....or else his girlfriend would be really disappointed...
DrarryisCannon 3
Is he speaking from experience....??
_kyleG_ 34
I wouldn't let him fork me!