Today, I was verbally abused by a tourist because neither I nor anyone else in my country can speak "proper English". We're in England - clue's in the name, dipshit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, two American guys attacked me for not speaking their language. I'm from England, and they said I'm speaking my own language wrong. FML
Today, a tourist from an English-as-second-language country taught me a new word. In English. FML
Today, a blonde tourist came up to me and asked me for directions to the nearest train station. I politely directed her there, and she left. Five minutes later, she came back and slapped me for not bringing her to an "English-speaking station". We're in China, lady. FML
Today, a customer asked me if I was English, because I was struggling to understand what he was saying. I said yes. He then called me a liar, and said I must be "one of them Polish immigrants." Oh, and he also had a thick Scottish accent. FML
Today, I got lost in a foreign city while on vacation and couldn't communicate with anyone, because I didn't speak the language and no one seemed to be able, or even wanted, to speak to me in mine. FML
Today, I was at the airport trying to help a man get to the right terminal. When he finished he turned to tell me "Don't worry, your English is pretty good, considering you're not American". English is my only language. FML
Today, for the second time this week, I was asked to stop putting on such an obviously fake "British" accent. I am British and have lived here all my life. FML
Today, while on a vacation, I tried to step out of myself and flirt with this boy who I thought was cute. He was going along with it and nodding so I thought it was working. Then he opened his mouth and I realized he didn't speak English. FML
Today, my English teacher kicked me out of class for being "rude and disruptive." In actuality, I had called her out for having blatantly used Google Translate for several example sentences, all of which sounded as if a semi-literate foreigner had constructed them. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me out after I spelt "realised" with an S instead of a Z. It wouldn't have been so bad, if we weren't both British, if he hadn't called me an "illiterate idiot", and if he hadn't muttered "family of morons" when my mum backed me up. FML
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Top comments
thatguynow 13
Throw tea in their face
challan 19
I'm dying to ask what country the tourist was from, but I'm petrified that you'll say the states.
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Comments (176)
Fuaaad1994 31
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Maybe it's because you don't speak chav
Damian95 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I'm an American, and I hate people bashing the US about doing things wrong. No nationality is wrong in the way of speech, ethics, eating, etc... They are just all different. So it's not cool to judge something someone can't help.
Flickstar23 10
Who was bashing the US?
Damian95 16
Nobody. I was just making a point. That tourist was an ignorant guy lol.
oj101 33
The tourist probably went to Northern England (Liverpool/Newcastle), but was expecting the recieved pronunciation type that you typically find in the Home Counties and London as it's the most portrayed on TV. Heck, I'm British myself, and sometimes I couldn't understand northerners when I lived in England. I wouldn't blame the tourist personally. In fact, Cheryl Cole was popular in the US, but no one could understand her, so she didn't make it big there in the end.
dingleberrysteve 6
who said the people in the car were american? there are different classes of british english in the same way backwoods english is not the same as whatever language they speak in the brox
omgitsmoe 26
I might go and study in Liverpool , am I ******?
Airbell12 11
I've heard of this kind of prank; maybe they really got you.
thatguynow 13
Throw tea in their face
Kibaruto 33
A proper Brit would never waste tea.
Lord_Cornwallis 5
That sounds like something Bostonians would do :P
CobraLazerFace 21
You could say you tea-bagged them!
uniteandfight 9
Posts like this don't get 366 thumbs up for no reason.
thatguynow 13
You're right, post like these get 379 thumbs up because they're ******* amazing one liners
itscare1217 13
Some tourists can be so rude
niallo 23
Before I came to the US, I worked in a supermarket in Ireland. I had a French tourist who didn't speak English, complain that no one spoke French. I so wanted to yell at her that we weren't in France.
ThatsMyPie 20
#90, I know that this is going to be down voted to hell, but I'm surprised no one there spoke french. It's a pretty common language.
niallo 23
#109 It's not a common language. It's a well known language. And to go to another country and expect them to speak your language (no matter how common it is) is the hight of rudeness. I'm sorry. You're just not that important (the tourist).
clever_name_here 7
@109 Yea. Common in France.
Paradoxxxx 16
those accents
FartingBrain 7
*their
challan 19
I'm dying to ask what country the tourist was from, but I'm petrified that you'll say the states.
Dt33345 13
It says so IN THE FML.
Zebediabolical 45
Where in the FML does it say that?
fakedsincerity 32
No. It says it takes place in England which is where the OP is from and where the tourist was visiting. Not where they were visiting from.
niallo 23
Most people in the US speak English. The accent might make it hard to understand, but US tourists find that quaint.
Dt33345 13
I'm an idiot... I apologise
arandomusernameaa 20
Yes you are :D
dachayke 16
Probably American, a lot of us are stupid like that.
uarudeassbitchyo 17
Innit
gjikvtj 18
for the free food
Fuaaad1994 31
They're*
JACKxRAWR 22
I hate people like that. I had an American try to tell me that the American accent was the true way to speak English and we'd changed our accents after the USA was formed.
Doodleoodlebug 18
I was asked by a Turk where I lived as I have a North East accent living in the South East. It's like we all have to speak "British" like all American Tv shows depict us!
tj4234 36
There may be a partial truth to that (with the bollocks part being that we went to the effort of changing our accents after the US was formed). Some linguists argue that because American English is closer to Old English than British English is, that the American pronunciations are also closer. However there is a flaw there, in that Scots is also closer to Old English than British English is... so the truth is is that we just don't know.
Doodleoodlebug 18
Gan canny with those wee bairns pet is WAY more English than diapers, potato chips and jelly!
tj4234 36
specifically I meant border Scots English. But yes :). In fact (I'm pretty sure I mentioned this on another FML actually), Linguists also believe that Shakespeare spoke with what is now a modern day Ayrshire accent.
kelseythompson 27
It doesn't even matter if you're from the US, in my opinion a person can't claim that they speak in a way that right purely based on accent or their use of different words. I live in Minnesota and compared to other Americans I speak differently. Whether you're from Tennessee or Minnesota.. the UK or Australia everyone speaks differently.. who cares about what's "more english"
duude989 7
I'm ashamed to be an American.
mudkipsan 19
#45, It's like two brothers arguing over who is more closely related to their father.
jordzy 8
Actually it's the exact opposite
dachayke 16
You're right there really is no such thing as a "British accent" since that was what the language sounded like when it was first created.
dachayke 16
Ok that was a really stupid comment I made. It was probably the worst possible way of trying to put what I was thinking into words.
Sports_guy3 28
No shit! You're comment makes other Americans feel terrible. You're free to leave anytime.
wiccaantje 21
Check out nickname's before you reply, he's not #53
DaMann360 19
Don't be ashamed. Be proud! I may not like lots of their decisions or some of the politicians but that doesn't change who I am. I was born and raised in the States. I love this country. God bless America! By the way, I'm not saying this with any biases towards other countries. I have no problem with people from other countries.
crapmaster3000 19
Not all Americans are like that, some actually have knowledge of the world around them.
JACKxRAWR 22
My main problem with the "America have the unchanged dialect" argument is that there were so many other nationalities other than English that went into the formation of the USA. Purely for that reason it makes far more sense that their accents would've changed dramatically.
ErinPinelli 24
*Your @84
dachayke 16
I apologize. I am an official dumbass.
ccubsfan94 1
They are actually somewhat right. But it wasn't because America was formed. it was because the rich didn't want to sound like the poor. then the poor moved.
simmyiphone 18
I had an American ask me what part of England I was from (I was in Paris at the time) - I'm Australian. I was on holidays. Very funny
King_George_III 4
That is the exact reason I want to move to Canada. At least they realize they're not the only fricken country in the world. America is like an alcoholic family member. You love him, but you don't want to be around him because of the things that he does. And you want to help him get better, but he won't listen.
Nordrag 26
When being a tourist in someone elses country it is always best to assume they are all wrong in their native language, and it is in fact you, the tourist, who is correct.