Today, a blonde tourist came up to me and asked me for directions to the nearest train station. I politely directed her there, and she left. Five minutes later, she came back and slapped me for not bringing her to an "English-speaking station". We're in China, lady. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was verbally abused by a tourist because neither I nor anyone else in my country can speak "proper English". We're in England - clue's in the name, dipshit. FML
Today, two drop dead gorgeous Australians asked me for directions. Being so shocked by their beauty and accents, I couldn't get words out of my mouth. Then one said to the other, "Nope, she doesn't speak English", then walked away. FML
Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML
Today, I was yelled at by a bunch of angry people because I couldn't physically move out of the way while 10 more tried to force their way onto a subway in Shanghai. Then one old lady started hitting me with her purse to get me to move even more. FML
Today, a tourist from an English-as-second-language country taught me a new word. In English. FML
Today, while waiting for my order at a restaurant, a woman walked up to me and slapped me. She looked at me for a moment and said "Sorry, I thought you were someone else." Ten minutes later, the same woman came back and slapped me again. FML
Today, I was walking down my street when a girl came up behind me and started yelling about me being a slut. When she saw I was the wrong person, she continued to yell at me because I have blonde hair. FML
Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML
Today, at the nail salon, a Korean woman was making fun of me. I kindly told her, in Korean, that I understood. She kindly told me, in English, that she didn't care. FML
Today, I was working a concert ticket booth. A lady gave me her ticket, I punched it, and told her to enjoy the show. She asked for the “hotel.” Apparently, she thought that the concert ticket cost included a hotel stay, since she traveled from out of state. She cussed me out and had to be escorted out. FML
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Top comments
sirpantselot 22
Kudos to her for tracking you down just to give you a slap.
soccerluver315 14
"Today, a blonde tourist.." I expected something like this to happen
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Comments (173)
JBChristian 47
Oh the irony.
Ultimate_No 7
You should look up "irony" in the dictionary.
zero4life123 7
Well china is starting to become the number one English speaking country in the world.
peopleequalshet 10
I moderated this :3
shyeahh_fml 19
If I'm not mistaken, 21 is correct, but China is only the number one English-speaking country in the world because China's population is roughly 1.2 billion. They can have the most English speakers with far less than half of the population speaking English.
meihua 19
Actually that's pretty ironic. The BLONDE tourist.
ColdplaySucks 18
But do you expect to go a foreign country in East Asia and expect everyone to speak English? She's stupid enough to not set her mentality to something like "I'm in China, perhaps they speak mostly Chinese" in contrast to "I know English and everyone should fucken know it too."
Mossears133 15
107- That would be a coincidence. Irony would be if it were an Asian tourist
pipinya 8
21 - good joke
emdickie 6
He meant the irony of her being blonde... Lol jeez
cynically 19
... How is that ironic? Do you even know what irony means?
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
The irony of her being blonde? WHAT? How is her being blonde even... WHAT?
ChaCerCam 14
Honestly, Slap her the **** back, you said you were in China right?
Renee4Echelon 15
Lol it is ironic that she's blonde and would make such a stupid...statement. I'm not saying blondes in general are stupid. It's just that according to the jokes and stereotypes...they are expected...to make such....statements.
Pippin43 16
Yeah, but... THAT'S NOT IRONY. Look it up! Also, cool it with the ellipses.
cupcakechick 17
people can be so stupid sometimes, they don't use their brain
UnidentifiedFun 37
No brain to use in a blonde situation :L
TheCutestLizard 28
#5 Wow, so original. You must be so proud of coming up with that all by yourself.
gotaplanstan 28
So...some stupid people still do use their brain? o_O
KainMoogle 21
Wow, I'm surprised people still get butthurt about blonde jokes, how original of you
magicdrummer47 11
20 is just butt hurt because she's blond
KingCeltic77 18
She doesnt need to use her brain, she needs to use a train! AHA! I'll be here all week.
TheCutestLizard 28
#52 and #64 Since you two know all about it, would you like to share with us what "butt hurt" feels like?
threer 30
Havin' anal pains there, guys?
techweed 12
Betting she's American...
Pardeepu 10
And Americans wonder why the rest of the world hates them
Rebi3144 8
Oh no, we know why we're hated. But trust me, we're not all like the blonde chick in the story. So please be kind, and don't generalize all Americans off of one idiot.
cosmosis 12
Ok 24 theres afew things wrong with your statement. 1- no one said OP was American. 2- we dont have a problem with Americans down here in Australia. 3- you stated on your profile you live in SOUTH CAROLINA, which is just incase you didnt know in the United States of America. So instead of giving your home country the big bag, why not try and make a difference?
GhostChickens 17
The blonde chick could have been British or Irish (those are the English-speaking places that spring to mind right now). Maybe we shouldn't immediately jump on the "I hate Americans" bandwagon. Plus, how can people hate Americans? Unless you've met all of them, it's a bit weird to just hate them for no real reason. I wouldn't like to think I was immediately hated because of where I'm from.
cristy91 33
This hating Americans shit is getting real old. Every nation has idiots.
ise3 10
I haven't met many non-American idiot tourists. Not saying that all americans are idiots, just that idiot tourists tend to be american.
hienzburgess 9
except for the Cuba and North Korea.
KainMoogle 21
The reason non American idiots stay in their own country is because their nations don't let them leave
sirpantselot 22
Kudos to her for tracking you down just to give you a slap.
Sandman366 6
Apparently OP is the only thing the tourist can find in all of China.
license2chill 5
90, out of millions of ppl she could find in that city, I guess she really wanted to slap OP in the beginning, lol
bamagrl410 31
I'm more surprised that she had the audacity to slap a native in a foreign country. That's incredibly rude.
BronayPonay 6
153, I'm sure slapping anyone, whether native or not is rude in any country.
soccerluver315 14
"Today, a blonde tourist.." I expected something like this to happen
Redoxx_fml 22
Reminds me of a mission from Sleeping Dogs
Googolman 29
Oh, wow. Her brain must be a trainwreck.
pkom96 5
I always defend Americans as not dumb but some people just prove me wrong.
DocBastard 40
I had no idea that only Americans speak English. Thanks for proving me wrong and teaching me something.
cosmosis 12
Thats fantastic 9. Your a top bloke. Every American needs a hero, wearing his sisters sunnies to defend them from hurt feelings. By the way, no one said anything about OP being american. And theres tons of stupid english speaking people all over the world.
deathtothepix 26
Being from the UK, I'm guessing if it was someone from here they would have just moaned. Moaned all day.
interesting33 37
37 This is true - I have made some of my best friends by us complaining about the same things :P
KeXu 6
美国的游客都很笨。 Edit: wow did that actually work?
holagurl15 11
"American tourists are stupid" Google translate bud :)
Zomg_Okay 27
I'm surprised Google Translate didn't give you a result more to the tune of "Stupid are tourists American".
Awahso 25
How do you know she is American?
sutianneli 13
金发的一个个笨的跟狗一样(￣▽￣) Haha awesome to see a fellow Chinese on the site~ :) and how in the world did she track OP down in Beijing? Of all the Asian faces, you'd wonder if she was a true blond or a golden retriever... 0.0
williamcarter93 13
Damned fool.
xcountrygirlx 8
and this is why that she shouldn't have gone to a country where she didn't know how to speak the language.
jayleensmama 14
Are you an idiot? Are you not allowed to visit a country if you don't speak their native language?
xcountrygirlx 8
Yes, I am an idiot. Why go somewhere if you don't have a basic understanding of the language?
summerguy97 16
For to be able to have a great experience! You can bring a English to whatever language dictionary, or hire a translator, you twat.
plaguer 26
Blonde chick could have had a guide, or been a part of a group that DOES speak the language, and just gotten separated.
Ameel_fml 19
Not knowing how to speak a language if you're a tourist is fine (after all, who's going to learn an ENTIRE language just to visit a country for a week or two). But expecting to not come across difficulties or a language-barrier is just pure stupidity. The lady in the FML is the latter.
xStaciexLynnx 15
I think you need an English to English translator because that was terrible grammar.
evilplatypus 39
44 - So you expect me to learn Hindi, Japanese, Arabic, Chinese, and Russian when I go on my culture tour in a few years? What the eff are you smoking?
jogihoppa8343 23
44: for an instance lets assume that you are in a serious trouble or may be suffering from some disease and it can only be cured in a particular place and you dont know to speak their local language... how would you handle that situation??
melolune 9
@44 do think of the people don't speak English, or those who speak only minority languages.
MidnaLink 35
Evilplatypus can I come with you to Japan, please please pretty please?!?
Mossears133 15
It's freaking CHINA. I mean, no offense to Chinese people, but that language is bitch!
chosha_fml 27
#31 If you're going to slap people who don't provide you with an English-speaking experience, then no, you're not.
chosha_fml 27
#88 don't you think you'd be well-advised to know at least some key phrases in those languages by then? No-one expects fluency, but to rely on other people to speak your language in their country is kind of ignorant.
cartedor 18
She should never leave her own country in the first place
lovelyleah 10
This is the story of Canada. Half the people who live here cannot speak the national language, never mind the tourists.
wiiplay 9
149 - Canada speaks English, Quebec speaks French. Pretend they are two entirely different countries. Seriously, it'll make more sense if you do.
slooby_fml 25
Yay Russia
lovelyleah 10
156-Canada has two official languages, I am not confused. This does not change the fact that half the people here do not speak either.