Today, I was verbally abused by a tourist because neither I nor anyone else in my country can speak "proper English". We're in England - clue's in the name, dipshit. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, two American guys attacked me for not speaking their language. I'm from England, and they said I'm speaking my own language wrong. FML
Today, a tourist from an English-as-second-language country taught me a new word. In English. FML
Today, a blonde tourist came up to me and asked me for directions to the nearest train station. I politely directed her there, and she left. Five minutes later, she came back and slapped me for not bringing her to an "English-speaking station". We're in China, lady. FML
Today, a customer asked me if I was English, because I was struggling to understand what he was saying. I said yes. He then called me a liar, and said I must be "one of them Polish immigrants." Oh, and he also had a thick Scottish accent. FML
Today, I got lost in a foreign city while on vacation and couldn't communicate with anyone, because I didn't speak the language and no one seemed to be able, or even wanted, to speak to me in mine. FML
Today, I was at the airport trying to help a man get to the right terminal. When he finished he turned to tell me "Don't worry, your English is pretty good, considering you're not American". English is my only language. FML
Today, for the second time this week, I was asked to stop putting on such an obviously fake "British" accent. I am British and have lived here all my life. FML
Today, while on a vacation, I tried to step out of myself and flirt with this boy who I thought was cute. He was going along with it and nodding so I thought it was working. Then he opened his mouth and I realized he didn't speak English. FML
Today, my English teacher kicked me out of class for being "rude and disruptive." In actuality, I had called her out for having blatantly used Google Translate for several example sentences, all of which sounded as if a semi-literate foreigner had constructed them. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me out after I spelt "realised" with an S instead of a Z. It wouldn't have been so bad, if we weren't both British, if he hadn't called me an "illiterate idiot", and if he hadn't muttered "family of morons" when my mum backed me up. FML
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Top comments
thatguynow 13
Throw tea in their face
challan 19
I'm dying to ask what country the tourist was from, but I'm petrified that you'll say the states.
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Comments (176)
Akwele 5
smh
blackvyper 8
The tourist has a point. English people have a horrible habit of not pronouncing words correctly. Please, enunciate!
unixdude 9
Just because you are in England doesn't mean you can speak English.
Cali_Italian 8
I'd like to apologize on behalf of my country.
jcp012000 5
'Murica!!!
souljacker 11
I'm scottish. The english are always bastardising their language, often painfully! Hahahahaha
Tannasgh 22
While I agree that an American chiding a Brit over the English they speak is stupid, there are many dialects in England, particularly in the midlands and York which are practically unintelligible as they contain a great many non-standard English words and usages. It becomes increasingly difficult for Americans, who are unfamiliar with localized terms and jargon to understand when spoken quickly, especially as you move into the lowlands and then the highlands of Scotland. I don't personally have these issues but as a comparison, I would refer you to British native and Ricky Gervais' foil Karl Pilkongton.
alicat13 12
You get spoken English and actual English. Actual English is the officially defined language as written, with rules and everything. there are many variants of English, but as you are from England, we will refer to the Queen's English. The closet to the speaking Queens English in Britain are the people in southern England. But as of a pole back in the early 2000's, the population that speaks the closest to Queen's English (more so than the Brits ) are the South Africans... and that is very surprising as I am South African and I know how we butcher the language. So if you are from Southern England, he is the dumb ass, but if not... you are the dumb ass.
Lady_Vampy 2
What are you talking about? South African English is no way nearer to Received Pronunciation (Queen's English) than other English accents. Estuary English is probably the closest accent to RP within the country, which is mainly spoken in the more affluent areas of London. Those of us with stronger accents can be a little hard to understand if your first language isn't English but if it is, you have no excuse for making such a damning statement. As for York having a strong accent I think you mean Yorkshire but the accents there are no less intelligible than someone from the Deep South of America or in South Africa. I will concede however that a lot of Brits have a woeful command of English; my best friend speaks English as his third language yet has a better understanding of my first language than may people with whom I went to school.
mwaide 3
I assume he was American... Please forgive our country for our bullshit.
Rax_fml 6
English people do that as well, Alcohol is a universal language though.