Today, my daughter called for me to come into the bathroom. Turns out the tummy ache she'd been complaining of was actually parasites in her digestive tract. I could swear they were looking at me from the toilet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML
Today, my daughter told me her tummy hurt, but I assumed she was lying because she hates visiting grandma. About 20 minutes into the car ride, she got excited and said, "Mum my tummy doesn’t hurt anymore!" About 10 seconds later, the smell filled the car right up to the roof. It was diarrhoea. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML
Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
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Top comments
FMLandurstoo 9
They're gonna get you! Just like I'm gonna get Chris.
Jarvo_666 6
I chucked up a little..
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Comments (217)
UnicornHooker 0
That's ******* awful. Poor thing, sounds uncomfortable. I'm kind of disgustingly curious as to what the parasites were...
shannon6 3
Um, how old is your kid and how long has this been going on? Better to be overly cautious when it comes to your kid's health. You probably should have taken her to the doctor when she first told you about her stomach. Hope she's okay :/
turtle_brigade 0
um, you do realize that it's a ridiculously huge waste of time and money to take a kid to the doctor for something as simple as a stomach ache when their exhibiting no other signs, right? kids also have a habit of saying they have a stomach ache when it can get them out of doing something they don't want to do, like school. if there was weight loss, discoloration, or anything else linked with parasites that would be a different story.
shannon6 3
Hence why I asked the child's age and how long she was complaining about it. If it was once and only for a few hours that's one thing but if she was telling him/her about it for a week straight, that's neglectful.
mrsekko 0
Thank you.
mrsekko 0
Thank you very much.
sccrismyantidrg 4
71- I'm sure a lot of people with a serious illness wish they would've gone to the doctor a lot sooner, at the first sign of symptoms. It's definitely better safe than sorry, especially if it involves a child.
NOWAYJOSE 14
Well, as long as they're all safely in the toilet bowl and you didn't have to help her pull any worms out of her ass..
love0128 5
At least she didn't call you in there to tell you she's pregnant! I say it's a good day.
darkmis1 18
Don't we all look forward to those days when our 5 year old daughters tell us they're pregnant? Goof times...good times.
phatdaddy62 23
Where does it state her age?
Nbarbosa 0
You should post some pics of that
YDIyaisaidit 0
that's disgusting
blondebrunette11 4
no...no pics needed...
IsBitchBetter 1
What the hell have you been feeding her? Either conditions or food are filthy. Either way, WTF???
jesbar95 10
You don't always get stomach parasites from food. If you get dirt under your nails and you bite your nails a lot, if you don't properly wash your hands and you eat something, you can get them. Sometimes they enter by coming through pores in the skin.
MerrikBarbarian 9
FYI, undercooked meat, vegetables grown in poor conditions then shipped to America, soil, grain not stored correctly before being shipped to stores, etc all are sources of parasites. even accidentally swallowing lake water while boating or swimming can be a source. they don't always cone from dirty conditions.
evilhobbitofdoom 4
Or one of the most common portals of entry. is through the feet. Walking around barefoot outside is an easy way to get worms.
perdix 31
She's probably faking it and tossed some Googly Eyes in the toilet to freak you out.
rabsml 0
take care of your kid!
cookie256043 0
what are parasites?
brunettegurly 0
parasites are bugs that feed by sucking blood. like a tick or.. tapeworm? idk how to scientifically explain everything.
Strolling 0
48 - This is why we have search engines like Google so you don't end up looking like a moron when you ask a question like this. c:
brunettegurly 0
**** your life? wow. self centered a little aren't you... she's the one with the parasites in her body!