Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather bracelet with little silver hearts and several snaps that I'd found in a head shop is actually a cock ring. I'm a girl. FML
Today, at work, I gave a piece of candy to a co-worker I have a crush on. She looked at me weirdly and walked away. I then remembered that my friend wrote "penis" on the wrapper. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a fancy chocolate candy and I got angry at him for forgetting that I'm allergic to chocolate and threw the candy into the garbage disposal. Turns out, he had spent a ton of money getting a chocolatier to put an engagement ring inside the candy that I just destroyed. FML
Today, I got into a fight with my sister. Later on she brought me a bowl of tortilla chips, which I thought was her way of apologizing. I found out too late that she'd licked the flavoring off them and it was really her way of saying "Fuck you." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML
Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML
Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate-flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML
Today, my sister offered me a couple of doughnuts she bought recently. Thinking she was just being nice, I went ahead and started eating, and was met with the most horrid taste I've ever experienced. Turns out her "recently" was two weeks ago. FML
Today, I realized that my girlfriend had never said anything about the proposal ring I had put into a box of her Froot Loops. When I hinted it to her, she said that the cereal had expired, so she threw out the box. FML
Today, I saw one of those candies that you spray on your tongue. Only after spraying some in my mouth did I find it was actually perfume. FML
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Top comments
RavensRule97 0
if he used it as a **** ring and you thought it was a bracelet either you have a small ass arm or hes hung like a horse
UTTU 0
Now you just need to figure out what exactly you liked the taste of...
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Comments (105)
Bobby64 29
I guess getting candy on Valentine's Day isn't always a good thing. :/
Bobby64 29
Crap, I didn't read the FML carefully enough. >_> Sorry about that. Oh well, that's nasty no matter what day it occurred on.
xBangOut 4
Well I guess your sister is very fine with sharing :) 3sum anyone?
UTTU 0
Now you just need to figure out what exactly you liked the taste of...
gabrielleangeliq 0
This.
meowmeowwkitty 0
Salty?
deafeningsilence 8
.....what the..
RavensRule97 0
if he used it as a **** ring and you thought it was a bracelet either you have a small ass arm or hes hung like a horse
shayshaw 0
*strechy
mitchem 3
*stretchy
mitchem 3
*stretchy
folfg7 0
Kids under 14 have small enough arms. and have had sex Ed. put it together people... child molestation black mail for the ******* ^win.
Privations_fml 0
No, used it on a horse
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
63 - It was used on me. :D
lolitaababy 0
ahahahahahahahahahaha!!
DahkLohd 4
You like the taste of ****? What's your number?
Mama_Umbridge 8
A DUR DUR DUR DUR
wolfshadow 4
(you)-are-rapermort(.com)
LexxyLiime 0
ew
quite_bored 9
...And it fit...?
WiseGuy79 14
Moral of the story kids: Don't accept slimy candy bracelets/**** rings from your sister haha
mrahhhhh 21
Her not liking the taste is what got you in this situation... twice!
ak7477 9
well quite a happy VD for you...