Today, my daughter called for me to come into the bathroom. Turns out the tummy ache she'd been complaining of was actually parasites in her digestive tract. I could swear they were looking at me from the toilet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML
Today, my daughter told me her tummy hurt, but I assumed she was lying because she hates visiting grandma. About 20 minutes into the car ride, she got excited and said, "Mum my tummy doesn’t hurt anymore!" About 10 seconds later, the smell filled the car right up to the roof. It was diarrhoea. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML
Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
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Top comments
FMLandurstoo 9
They're gonna get you! Just like I'm gonna get Chris.
Jarvo_666 6
I chucked up a little..
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Comments (217)
leroy24 0
Actually, F*** her life!! Have you been feeding her bugs or something?? Haha.
nubx 0
Your gonna have good dreams tonight
jessjordan425 0
f your life? how about f your daughters life. she's the one with the parasites!!!
FMLidiot 12
ahahaha I remember when I was about 9yrs old, the same thing happened to me. only I looked down halfway and saw a worm dangling out of my ass. it was stuck, I had to pull it out (with toilet paper of cause). I've been traumatized by worms ever since :(
sccrismyantidrg 4
OP, shouldn't you be more worried about your daughter's health rather than how disgusted it makes you feel? I understand it's not a pretty sight but if I was in your situation, posting on FML would be the last thing on my mind.
mrsekko 0
You DO realize that FML isn't ACTUALLY real time right?
maddy1028 0
Oh the joys of being a parent
Cressalys 0
pin worms
Cressalys 0
pin worms
Ub3rshadow 3
well that's bound to be a shitty time
moonglow93 4
WTF !!! ewww