Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Today, I had to sleep on couch cushions on the kitchen floor because I saw a tiny spider crawl under my bed. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I'm scared to leave my bedroom. During the night, what must have been a giant spider made a web 4 feet wide stretching from the lightbulb to the tv and then down to the desk corner. It's blocking my path to the door and I can't tell where the 8-legged bastard is hiding. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, when I was laying in my bed, I looked on the opposite side and saw a spider the size of my palm staring at me. And if that wasn't bad, I found out it hops. I still can't find it. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML
Today, I was reaching into the floor vent in my toddler's room to retrieve some toys she'd dropped. What I found instead was a clump of large dead spiders. FML
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Top comments
cutycat136 28
Okay. Now just don't think of the size of that spider and its long legs taking it all the way to the couch tonight. Good luck OP :)
coming back in the future 30
Only in Australia.,
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Comments (69)
Welshite 40
Good job. You've just created a spider-poltergeist intent on vengeance. Watch out for ghostly webs and an increased number of dead flies. You might be next.
Adeptus_Astartes 22
Indeed, we must call the Inquisition in order to eliminate this un-holy threat! For the Imperium!
MrsDruidess 23
this could have all been avoided by following one simple rule - double tap!!
anonpbc 20
...who ya gonna call? ghostbusters!
AnnaDeWitt 27
There's no hope now, OP. The only way you'll win this is by burning your house down.
psychopolarbear 28
That's the go-to method in supernatural. Pesky murderous spirits? Douse it in gas and torch it. Problem solved.
JMichael 26
I personally like that method.
captain_mal 19
lol I like your style #8 ALWAYS ask WWS&DD (what would Sam and Dean do) hahaha
cksmith51 14
All aboard the NOPE train!
AutisticAbyss 10
Seeing that OP is from Australia, a Goliath spider would demolish a nope train!
mundanemermaid 11
One ticket please.
Levvy 22
Goliath birdeater spiders, unless you're referring to some different "goliath spider," don't live in Australia. They live in South America.
cutycat136 28
Okay. Now just don't think of the size of that spider and its long legs taking it all the way to the couch tonight. Good luck OP :)
tbro47 23
You are pure evil, lady.
cutycat136 28
#25 Who's soul do you think the spider found ?
tbro47 23
Good point. I guess in this case it pays to be more evil than the little bastard soul hunting.
False_Stupidity 42
Exactly #4, does OP really think that a mere couch is a safe haven from a vengeful spider? These things walk up walls and along ceilings...
dblogic 19
***shudder***
liamk_26 16
One time a spider repelled from the ceiling and almost landed on me before I noticed him. I still don't sit on that couch very often...
ThatDamHuntress 20
That happened to me while doing my homework at a table.
Retaheki 27
Mission Impossible: Spider Protocol Featuring liamk and some spider In theatres SOON™
Chloecormier 2
Think it's time to look for some were else to live
emeraldisle 30
I applaud you for even hitting the spider. I would've left the room and told some one else to kill it.
coming back in the future 30
Only in Australia.,
mellajella 14
The best place on Earth to see a spider eating a bird from the comfort of your own home.
Retaheki 27
Spider's probably so big it can make it to the couch in like 3 seconds.
doodlecloud 27
Yeah, I was going to vote ydi because I don't like killing spiders for no reason...THEN I saw OP was from Australia. Good luck OP. : (
sturschaedel 27
... where spiders have life-bars
cheshireau 26
Huntsman's can GTFO
Iron_Pi 1
Australia, where unless you kill the spider first, you can guarantee that you are next.
Enslaved 38
Couch? Haha like he can't still get to you!