Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Today, I had to sleep on couch cushions on the kitchen floor because I saw a tiny spider crawl under my bed. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I'm scared to leave my bedroom. During the night, what must have been a giant spider made a web 4 feet wide stretching from the lightbulb to the tv and then down to the desk corner. It's blocking my path to the door and I can't tell where the 8-legged bastard is hiding. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, when I was laying in my bed, I looked on the opposite side and saw a spider the size of my palm staring at me. And if that wasn't bad, I found out it hops. I still can't find it. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML
Today, I was reaching into the floor vent in my toddler's room to retrieve some toys she'd dropped. What I found instead was a clump of large dead spiders. FML
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Top comments
cutycat136 28
Okay. Now just don't think of the size of that spider and its long legs taking it all the way to the couch tonight. Good luck OP :)
coming back in the future 30
Only in Australia.,
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Comments (69)
kaed 16
Rule #1: Always hit twice!
chosha_fml 27
Rule #2: The Double Tap
VeganDarkLight 31
YDI for trying to kill it. Just take it outside next time.
SauceySarah 30
That happened to me before, and I swear I moved all my stuff into the guest bedroom and never moved back into my old bedroom. No joke.
erik_santana 1
What does OP mean??
Starham1 14
Why would you hurt the magnificent creatures that kill off the terrible pests that would overrun the planet if not strictly controlled?
Levvy 22
You tried to kill a harmless animal, failed, and now expect sympathy for the fact you feel bad. Not feeling bad because of guilt or anything, mind, but because of the wholly incorrect worry you have that your hostile actions may have consequences for you.
repKyle95 24
Couldn't agree more. The spider wasn't doing anything to hurt you, so really if you get bit or anything like that it's only because you brought it upon yourself, OP. YDI
Levvy 22
She's not even going to get bit. She's just going to fret for a little bit over a completely irrational worry. That makes her the victim in this, apparently. As opposed to the animal she just tried to kill for no reason.
orsombre_fml 11
Vacuum clean.
xcaaatheriiinex 5
Cockroaches are my fear, not so much spiders...
rabid_otaku 29
Try living in Australia lol OP.
Kougeru 12
This happened to me once. Then when I was laying in the couch, on the ******* ceiling was an even bigger spider directly above my face.