Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Today, I had to sleep on couch cushions on the kitchen floor because I saw a tiny spider crawl under my bed. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I'm scared to leave my bedroom. During the night, what must have been a giant spider made a web 4 feet wide stretching from the lightbulb to the tv and then down to the desk corner. It's blocking my path to the door and I can't tell where the 8-legged bastard is hiding. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, when I was laying in my bed, I looked on the opposite side and saw a spider the size of my palm staring at me. And if that wasn't bad, I found out it hops. I still can't find it. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML
Today, I was reaching into the floor vent in my toddler's room to retrieve some toys she'd dropped. What I found instead was a clump of large dead spiders. FML
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Top comments
cutycat136 28
Okay. Now just don't think of the size of that spider and its long legs taking it all the way to the couch tonight. Good luck OP :)
coming back in the future 30
Only in Australia.,
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Comments (69)
ballbags 14
Pussy
Pancake847 14
Time to burn the house down
ImZacko 15
Just calmly grab a flamethrower and burn the house down simple no spider and you can sleep under the stars!
TheNiceOne 20
It will have it's vengeance.
Hammer1722 19
What's next a drop bear?
Larentiah 4
Did it have a health bar? Those Australian spiders ain't nothing to **** with.
Destinee_1 13
You think the couch is safer? I would stay at a friends house!
0neiros 14
Relax, you've wounded it and made it vulnerable. It's going to be too busy fending off all the other spiders trying to eat it to give you much mind.
False_Stupidity 42
Ah, but the other spiders will then come after OP and no mere couch will stop them!
150493x 29
You can sleep anywhere you want, it won't stop that ****** coming for you in your sleep.
rockwrench 18
Too funny #42.
Sammy_rawrr 13
Well, that's unfortunate..