Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Today, I had to sleep on couch cushions on the kitchen floor because I saw a tiny spider crawl under my bed. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I'm scared to leave my bedroom. During the night, what must have been a giant spider made a web 4 feet wide stretching from the lightbulb to the tv and then down to the desk corner. It's blocking my path to the door and I can't tell where the 8-legged bastard is hiding. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, when I was laying in my bed, I looked on the opposite side and saw a spider the size of my palm staring at me. And if that wasn't bad, I found out it hops. I still can't find it. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML
Today, I was reaching into the floor vent in my toddler's room to retrieve some toys she'd dropped. What I found instead was a clump of large dead spiders. FML
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Top comments
cutycat136 28
Okay. Now just don't think of the size of that spider and its long legs taking it all the way to the couch tonight. Good luck OP :)
coming back in the future 30
Only in Australia.,
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Comments (69)
ThatDamHuntress 20
Kudos to you for being brave. I'd be moving to Spain.
ekim300 26
Australia? Not surprised. Time to burn the house down.
WipeHour 11
Why risk it? Burn down the continent.
ekim300 26
Think about the kangaroos man.
Brandi_Faith 34
Australia must be a minefield of burnt down houses.
ghetto_child 19
remember that time you tried to kill him? ...he remembers as well!!
Ichiya 29
"Remember when you tried to kill me twice? And we laughed and laughed. except I wasn't laughing"
Soleia_Grace 15
You should have known I see that you live in Australia everything in Australia is trying to kill you. There is a constant battle to survive
emissy 14
Sounds like it's time to move
I_Hug_Cats 26
Should have used fire.
WattledParsley 11
Things would've gotten heated very quickly. (pun intended)
Smooth_Criminal 24
Rule #2: Double Tap
jessurah 16
It's ok #24, I got your Zombieland reference. There, there.
chosha_fml 27
#82 Gosh, what a relief. And now people know you got it, which is what your condescending comment was really meant to achieve, so "win."
LeBandit 20
there's only one solution unfortunately.... burn down your house
ma12r 22
That's what happens when you mess with Mother Nature
simplylittle_fml 8
Well, that was a great story to read before bed. When I wake up screaming in the middle of the night, I blame you, OP. Oh, and good luck dealing with the revenge of the spider :/
Levvy 22
Of the two creatures involved in this story, only one tried to kill the other. And that's the one you're wishing luck. Think about that.