Today, I watched in horror from the doorway as my brother furiously scratched at his greasy hair and ate the large flakes of dead skin that came loose from his scalp. I think our real dad might be caged in a zoo somewhere. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my brother chopping all my bangs off. When I yelled at him, he could only shout back, "You can see clearly now, the bangs are gone!" FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my father trimming his pubes over the bin with our kitchen scissors. FML
Today, I was napping when my little brother cut off huge chunks of my hair. He thought it would turn me into the older brother he always wanted. He's 8. FML
Today, I was haunted by the knowledge that my father watched me slit my wrists without doing a damn thing or batting an eyelid, but when I took the steak knife to the breadboard to release my tension, he was so upset, he took the dog, drove to the east coast, and spent the night in the car. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML
Today, my 7 year old brother decided that it would be fun to cut off my hair. I woke from a long nap after working the late shift, to about 15 inches of my long blonde hair all over my bed and floor. I now have bloody bald spots and really choppy hair about 3 inches long. He got away with it. FML
Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML
Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML
Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML
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Top comments
cutycat136 28
I couldn't even finish reading about this without gagging so I'm really sorry to OP for having to witness it.
Flaming_Pandas 15
I hear that pouring bleach in your eyes can help to unsee things such as this. Best of luck.
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Comments (73)
Brandon1337 29
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Might as well send your brother there to
coming back in the future 30
Yay im from Bangladesh OP.
Amama_fml 30
#1, to what?
blazingshot147 19
I have that issue too, the only way I figured out how to fix it was to have shorter hair and shower every morning. It still happens, and I've tried my hardest to fix it, yet it's still an issue. Granted, I live in a desert so there's not much humidity to dampen the scalp much.
XCanadianBloodX 6
#1 the zoo
ProfessorMctitie 20
What a lovely family you have
FMLusername969 21
Lol!!
6blondie9 4
perhaps you should get him some dandruff shampoo?
kitkatjoy_96 28
He will still eat the dead skin....
starile 20
Not if there isn't any... hence the point of sending the dandruff shampoo.
kitkatjoy_96 28
I meant since he likes eating it, he probably won't use the shampoo>_
Acacia21 23
If his hair is that greasy I doubt he'll use the shampoo...
cutycat136 28
I couldn't even finish reading about this without gagging so I'm really sorry to OP for having to witness it.
ProfessorMctitie 20
Im sucking on a banana
MenacingMe 17
I gave a verbal "Ew". The image in my head is horrendous.
rs89 20
The one time I regret having a vivid imagination *gagging*
Doubtful_Judge 23
Sneak up on him and wash his hair
starile 20
Just real Quick and ninja-like. Mr Miyagi that shit right up: Wax on, wax off. Wipe the window, wash the hair
LittleBells 17
I think I just died a little inside after reading that.
donkinator 24
I'm all for trying new things, but this takes it to the next level...
Flaming_Pandas 15
I hear that pouring bleach in your eyes can help to unsee things such as this. Best of luck.
venomousflower 24
You would still have the disturbing memory in your head replaying and replaying
Anonymousjeffrey 13
What has been seen, cannot be unseen...
mellajella 14
Or, you can look at pictures of cute puppies.
SueAnn23 8
Well we did come from monkeys..
cmonger 27
Yes, but that doesn't mean we should act like them.
donkinator 24
so then flinging poo at each should be equally acceptable?
ProfessorMctitie 20
Says you.. i came from a weiner
SueAnn23 8
ha. that was sarcasm..
cheeeksss 29
Humans and monkeys share a common ancestor. We didn't come from monkeys. Even if sarcastic, monkeys don't eat their scalp flakes.
False_Stupidity 42
Oh my gag. You should introduce him to that wonderful product called shampoo, it sounds like they've never met before.