Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML
Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML
Today, I told my mother that I'm pregnant. She went off screaming at me about how I shouldn't be having sex. I am 25 and have been happily married for 3 years. FML
Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm Dad." FML
Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML
Today, my husband and I told my parents that I finally managed to conceive. My mom burst into tears of joy and said how great it was that she's finally going to be a "real" grandma, all within earshot of our adopted and now-devastated daughter. FML
Today, I announced my fourth pregnancy, this time with twins. I heard my mother mutter, “Finally two kids from the same dad.” FML
Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm expecting our second child. He ripped up the sonogram and yelled at me to "fucking get rid of it" while jabbing me in the chest. FML
Today, I finally decided to tell my mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and hugged me. She kept saying, "Thank god, thank god." At first I was relieved. Then she said, "I thought you were just getting fat." FML
Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of reactions, except, "But... Erm... How did that happen?" FML
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Top comments
iLike2Teabag 27
Holy mother of OP she's good.
giantsfan2010 23
She's good. How the hell do you do that in church with nobody noticing.
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Comments (84)
graceinsheepwear 34
How can she be sure no one noticed?
Ki11erC 18
Really hope that 97 isn't indicative of the year you were born...
thecman25 14
thats some skill right there
allplayedout 20
Guess "back row" means the same in church and the movies...
cjwayy 22
Congratulations, OP! I'm really curious as to how you jack someone off in a room full of people where everyone is sitting really close to each other.
alex_gen 39
Please tell me you're not actually 17.
dcats 13
What's her point?
rominion 11
All of a sudden I have an interest in church. Anyone able to give me a hand for my first time? I might be nervous
Omniprism 15
Wtf is her problem?!?! I'm not disturbed by the church thing it's the fact that she wasn't happy or supportive for you and then responded with that comment. Move away. Far far away.
dizzylizzy1 5
I'm pretty sure your mother is going to hell... Just saying...
The_madmax 23
and her father too