Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML
Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML
Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened, he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I broke the news to my parents that we're having a baby. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "It's probably not yours." FML
Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm Dad." FML
Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML
Today, my mum told me how I was only here because my dad couldn't pull out in time. FML
Today, my parents, my aunt, and her husband went out to dinner. Once there, my aunt told us that she was pregnant. Out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML
Today, I went to see my dad to tell him that my girlfriend of two years is pregnant. He burst out laughing, and said, "You r*tard! You've fallen for the oldest trick in the book! Caught by your dick in the hairy bear trap!" He was still laughing hysterically when I left an hour later. FML
Today, we told my fiancé's parents that I'm pregnant. His mom's response? "I'm going to throw up. You can't raise a child." We are both 28, self-sufficient and everyone else is thrilled. FML
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Top comments
Mynamewontfi 40
Be glad your father's pull out game was also weak.
tigerisabelle 31
Honestly, that's hilarious. I'm sure your dad is happy for you, and, congratulations!
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Comments (78)
Pleonasm 36
Either that or his sperm is **** extremely potent.
silvercamaro 22
Or the condom had a whole in it.
devildog562 33
I like whole Condoms . Now the crazy mom with a needle poking holes in them and putting a Jesus loves you card next to them is a different story. +1 friend I know what you meant. Pleo same thing. What the hell I laughed at your comment. Super sperm, the new super hero, or villain.
silvercamaro 22
**hole
Googolman 29
Or maybe they actually intended to have a child?
Mynamewontfi 40
Be glad your father's pull out game was also weak.
JMichael 26
I'd ask him what happened when he helped conceive you.
lemex243 5
It might just be he was kidding
ZoroMiHawk 25
And then he slapped him on the back and with a cheery smile he congratulated the both of you, right?
lord_meloetta 20
Yeah it would be messed up if he didn't, don't ya think moss head?
tigerisabelle 31
Honestly, that's hilarious. I'm sure your dad is happy for you, and, congratulations!
J3R3MYY 14
Like father like son.
J3R3MYY 14
Well I read that wrong, in come the negs!
kerstileann 26
i sure hope thats not his son 0.0 hahahaha
PennyLane27 32
Dad: "I'm the pullout king"! (Portlandia)
devildog562 33
Any dad could not be a pullout King. It means you've failed your objective at least once.
glabberfasted 16
14 - It's from a show...
devildog562 33
I didn't know that with the parenthesis around it. My comment, however ,was a joke.
PennyLane27 32
Aww I'm sad this got downvoted so much! I just watched the episode of Portlandia with the Pullout King skit last night. So the quote was fresh in my mind. It has Jeff Goldblum in it. Season 4, episode 4. If you haven't watched it, do it! :) Devildog's point is quite valid :)
nevm 12
Or he just wanted to have a baby?
Seabiscuit218 12
Hmph Too many rude people in this world I think
ohmandapants 17
Too many people with no sense of humor...I personally would have laughed. It was a joke! He's probably happy for them.
ifoundwaldo123 12
I'm sure he's happy for you, it's actually pretty funny OP
devildog562 33
Pull out method and Depo don't work. Trust me I'm a father. I watched her shot and my shot.
devildog562 33
Sorry meant to put (sarcasm) they do work together but nothing is 100%.
ahippienamedrae 10
Regardless of that typo, your comment makes no sense at all.
devildog562 33
How doesn't it make sense; deprovera and pull out method do not work, my daughter was a product from these methods. I watch the injection go ink her and my ejaculation out of her. Better context ?
smokecloud_ 37
It's ok, devildog, I understood and giggled without the sarcasm marker.