Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML
Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML
Today, I told my mother that I'm pregnant. She went off screaming at me about how I shouldn't be having sex. I am 25 and have been happily married for 3 years. FML
Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm Dad." FML
Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML
Today, my husband and I told my parents that I finally managed to conceive. My mom burst into tears of joy and said how great it was that she's finally going to be a "real" grandma, all within earshot of our adopted and now-devastated daughter. FML
Today, I announced my fourth pregnancy, this time with twins. I heard my mother mutter, “Finally two kids from the same dad.” FML
Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm expecting our second child. He ripped up the sonogram and yelled at me to "fucking get rid of it" while jabbing me in the chest. FML
Today, I finally decided to tell my mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and hugged me. She kept saying, "Thank god, thank god." At first I was relieved. Then she said, "I thought you were just getting fat." FML
Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of reactions, except, "But... Erm... How did that happen?" FML
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Top comments
iLike2Teabag 27
Holy mother of OP she's good.
giantsfan2010 23
She's good. How the hell do you do that in church with nobody noticing.
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Comments (84)
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
I'm not a religious person but I find that quite disrespectful to do that in a place of cult, worse in a place where they are children around. Your parents are quite disturbing.
clemscott 10
Your parents are revolting
inowhtthefoxsays 20
Best. FML. Ever
Bmf2000 12
That's... pretty good.
TonyTalkingClock 11
I don't even...
okpfakpapk 14
Is no one else going to comment about the fact that the username has 97 in it and she's pregnant with her second child?
chrisims12 3
Maybe she graduated college or high school in 97
rocker_chick23 27
It could be a random number. I use 86 for my gmail account and I was not born in 86.
The_madmax 23
97 could just be a lucky number it doesn't have to be the year she was born in
Spark_Slicker 19
That's incredibly disrespectful and disgusting of your parents. Congratulations on your baby, though.
evanawesome123 11
Isn't that wrong to do in church
Ahmad69a 10
You can say, She pulled the job off silently.
demonfacee 14
Did you really jack off your dad off in church last week? If so, that's pretty bad, but still your mom doesn't need to be all rude about it. Congrats for your second child.
KariAnn7985 8
What? I don't think that's what it says...
rocker_chick23 27
Re-read the FML. OP did not jack off her father in church.