Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML
Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML
Today, I told my mother that I'm pregnant. She went off screaming at me about how I shouldn't be having sex. I am 25 and have been happily married for 3 years. FML
Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm Dad." FML
Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML
Today, my husband and I told my parents that I finally managed to conceive. My mom burst into tears of joy and said how great it was that she's finally going to be a "real" grandma, all within earshot of our adopted and now-devastated daughter. FML
Today, I announced my fourth pregnancy, this time with twins. I heard my mother mutter, “Finally two kids from the same dad.” FML
Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm expecting our second child. He ripped up the sonogram and yelled at me to "fucking get rid of it" while jabbing me in the chest. FML
Today, I finally decided to tell my mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and hugged me. She kept saying, "Thank god, thank god." At first I was relieved. Then she said, "I thought you were just getting fat." FML
Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of reactions, except, "But... Erm... How did that happen?" FML
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Top comments
iLike2Teabag 27
Holy mother of OP she's good.
giantsfan2010 23
She's good. How the hell do you do that in church with nobody noticing.
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Comments (84)
jelly_bennett 23
Good to know she has her priorities straight
vlalam 24
What's wrong some of these parents? talk abt teaching morals and values???
mishwarner 14
Haha guess your mum thinks you deserve a better life than just procreating. Either that or she thinks you're a terrible mum
Setareh23 34
So jacking someone off during church is having a better life than having children? Not to mention it doesn't say anywhere that OP does nothing but procreate. In any case, sure, she might think OP's a bad mom (even if she did that doesn't mean it's true). Or maybe she's just jealous and attention-seeking.
mishwarner 14
OP's mum was clearly talking about achievements. Her reaction indicates she wants her daughter to achieve in other ways
chosha_fml 27
At least you're sure you're pregnant. She can't be sure no-one noticed her little sex act.
chosha_fml 27
Congrats on your pregnancy, OP. Sorry you have a mother who feels the need to one up you, and has achieved so little that all she has to brag about is being a slag in church.
keiNan_fml 35
Amen!!!
Llama_Face89 34
She's gonna be pretty pissed if God actually turns out to be real.
The_madmax 23
He is real.
JuzzyBux 9
I.. Just..No..
worldclassrager 41
Congrats OP....
Sparta2424 10
i had to read that 3 times to make sure i read it right and im still not sure... :o