Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML
Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML
Today, I told my mother that I'm pregnant. She went off screaming at me about how I shouldn't be having sex. I am 25 and have been happily married for 3 years. FML
Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm Dad." FML
Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML
Today, my husband and I told my parents that I finally managed to conceive. My mom burst into tears of joy and said how great it was that she's finally going to be a "real" grandma, all within earshot of our adopted and now-devastated daughter. FML
Today, I announced my fourth pregnancy, this time with twins. I heard my mother mutter, “Finally two kids from the same dad.” FML
Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm expecting our second child. He ripped up the sonogram and yelled at me to "fucking get rid of it" while jabbing me in the chest. FML
Today, I finally decided to tell my mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and hugged me. She kept saying, "Thank god, thank god." At first I was relieved. Then she said, "I thought you were just getting fat." FML
Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of reactions, except, "But... Erm... How did that happen?" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
iLike2Teabag 27
Holy mother of OP she's good.
giantsfan2010 23
She's good. How the hell do you do that in church with nobody noticing.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (84)
Noheartbeat 19
No one pays attention in church anyways.
brenton490 19
Except the old lady staring you down across the church
JazNim17 18
And I fail to see how he old lady is really paying all that much attention if she's busy staring me down.
Narayan96 13
Mother is a ninja
DestinyNiya 33
I didn't need to know that either :|
JMichael 26
I think we all could have gone without knowing lol. Unfortunately this is a site where people post the most messed up things about their lives and we read them no matter how bizarre they are.
lolnothanks 18
I have to hand it to ops mom; that is really a feat!
cryssycakesx3 23
I think OP's mom already handed it..
ohSNAPyall 27
A feat? Sounds more like a hand.
JamieLT 22
Can just plain 'ew' be an appropriate comment?
ShadowlessSpear 21
Ew.
JMichael 26
Ew indeed.
FATALSTR1KE 9
Well, I have nothing to say to that really...
odod777 28
You need to know HOW!!!
Dave_Davington 34
I have to hand it to her, that is impressive.
dwood08 10
I'm surprised your ears didn't start bleeding.
ostfaiz 18
so now onwards Op is very clear about achievements!! lmao