Today, I was in a public restroom. The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort. I ignored him and finished up. I turned around to be greeted by his red swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking, "Is my penis supposed to look like this?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML
Today, I was peeing at a urinal, when the man next to me finished up and shook his penis. I got splashed. FML
Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying, "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML
Today, at the urinal a guy came up next to me to do his business. He stared over at me, looked down, laughed and then left. FML
Today, while in a public restroom, a man entered the stall next to me and began vigorously wanking. He finished quickly, but as he was leaving he peeped in at me through the crack in the stall door. FML
Today, my friend whacked me in the family jewels while I was washing my hands in our college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML
Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML
Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML
Today, I was taking a dump in a public restroom. Minding my own business, I heard somebody go into an adjacent stall. It was dead silent and I don't think he knew I was in there. I thought I heard him scratching his arm or something. I was wrong. He was jacking off. I had to listen to it all. FML
Today, I used a public toilet. After I did my business in the stall and walked out, I was confronted by the sight of a man standing on tip-toes, holding his penis up to the automatic hand-dryer. Doubt I'll get that image out of my head any time soon. FML
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Top comments
Tyger44 1
"no,sir i think not.ER now"
Ikushka 3
No man and you aren't supposed to be asking me either
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Comments (148)
The_Instigator 11
This is where you just walk away.
Wheredidgrungego 12
And then boil your eyes
CryMoreFMLs 15
And burn your memories with kerosine fire.
raphanne_fml 33
And die.
bizarre_ftw 22
Rasputin style.
colbyb 0
I completely agree
detorio 2
That's just... Nasty
datoismyname 22
Just like your mustache
Adman567 9
Yes sir, your penis IS supposed to look like a furry red imflamed behive, sooo glad u asked me! :)
ry_ry7 4
And it IS supposed to be super painful when you relieve yourself. That's pretty disgusting...
auzzrage 1
is it really meant to be like that? I hope so, now I know I'm not alone
HideouslyHuman 10
Yes it isn't!
ChantelRenaeee 0
Then you sucked it and said, now it looks perfect. ;) Aww gays are cute.
Sonic_boomerang 5
That's just dumb.
Adman567 9
Im with 21 on that one
ChantelRenaeee 0
Haha
NoNotTheFace 8
Is that what you would do to get things heated up? Suck on an infected penis? Mission Herpes Dick 2 Mouth: Accomplished.
mrahhhhh 21
Why am I not surprised that a 13 year old posted that?
Bofferding_fml 6
And thats why you dont try to stick your dick in a bee nest. Might look like a nice tight hole, but it ain't!
TeeHee124 0
Oh god that thought made me cringe
rmeyer6 0
know from experience?
auzzrage 1
16 has obviously never tried it, it's quite enjoyable
rawrkittyrawr 6
Just gotta get used to the stings
j_cat187 20
Why is there CUM in my honey?
noel_ani 0
I feel like he has lived with his penis long enough to know it shouldn't look like that....
itsalanis 25
its best to use a can of crisco and a shot glass, not a beehive. my goodness, hope you told that guy to go get that checked out asap.
NoNotTheFace 8
You could've put it delicately and said "Urm no sir. I reckon you get that checked out" Or you could've been like... GET THAT MUTILATED ****** AWAY FROM ME. Both send the same message.
ifailplzinsultme 0
Your name goes so well with your commet
ifailplzinsultme 0
Comment*
santel_fml 8
Ewwww
mrahhhhh 21
I would have told him, "No. It's also supposed to be purplish."
auzzrage 1
Sir, there is seriously something wrong! you are missing the green and orange tinge in your penis.
HomeAl0ne 20
And the smelly white discharge. Or is that just me?