Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at the urinal a guy came up next to me to do his business. He stared over at me, looked down, laughed and then left. FML
Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying, "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom, when someone came up behind me. Instead of waiting for a urinal to free up, he wedged his way in between me and another guy, and promptly began peeing in my urinal, crossing streams in the process. FML
Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn't have good aim. FML
Today, I walked into the restroom at work to see my boss standing at the urinal, pissing like a toddler. He had his pants around his ankles, ass fully exposed. Now I'm never going to be able to take anything he says seriously. FML
Today, I was taking a piss at a urinal when a fly started harassing me. I got so annoyed, I tried to swat it. Didn't go too well. I ended up losing control of my stream, soaking the guy beside me. He busted my face in. FML
Today, as a joke, my friends pushed me into the men's restroom and held the door shut. As I was trying to push the door open, I heard a voice behind me say, "Wow. Immaturity, huh?" I turned to find a guy taking a dump in one of the urinals. FML
Today, my friend whacked me in the family jewels while I was washing my hands in our college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML
Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML
Today, I noticed a guy checking out my ass in the mirror behind the bar where I work. He was cute, so I thought I'd put on a little show. I bent over to reach for something near the floor, which caused me to let rip a series of uncontrollable farts, like popping bubble wrap. He quickly left. FML
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Top comments
Kyot3 7
That's when you're allowed to legally beat the tar out of him.
myoukei 31
*Insert a string of pissed off/on puns here.*
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Comments (73)
myoukei 31
*Insert a string of pissed off/on puns here.*
puggypark 14
Well then, what an asshole he is
TheCanucklehead 22
Op must be pissed off. I'd say urine trouble, but that would be a pissy thing to do. I mean what kind of yellow belly would do that
iBanana 17
I'm sorry for all of you peace makers, but I would have thrown him on the ground and put my banana on his face and said "My daddy told me ain't no reason to be ashamed of my banana." Get up, leave.
Krystal3408 32
Better to be pissed off, then on. This is where grammar matters.
xdissizit 16
The irony ...
dbt88 15
43- I'd rather just be pissed off and never pissed on, whether it be before or after being angered.
chinchilla417 12
Oh #43 - you speak of grammar, but then......this grammar you speak of, do you even know what it is?
Misaki18 17
I know... It's than not then
muzy 23
^ No shit, Sherlock...
whenitdidhappen 14
@33 "oh dear god **** yeah" *blows off smoke from his nostrils*
Kyot3 7
That's when you're allowed to legally beat the tar out of him.
raddybear 11
That should be a rule if some one takes a pee on you. You should be able to beat the tar out of him
gc327072 31
That's a bit much. I vote he beat the creosote out of him.
Spider_Web 11
I think that's overkill if you beat him until you notice tar seeping out. Might be there a while
Treveyon56 14
This is a legit reason to kick him in the face repeatedly.
nightfire2258 24
Well hopefully you returned the favor and pissed on him.
Nyx_fml 23
Would that be the beginning of some nasty ****?
Treveyon56 14
O.e That..... will be forever burned into the back of my mind.
randm_dude 9
Or of a cockfight. Yes, visualize it. Let that image sink deep into your imagination. xd
Nyx_fml 23
To be fair, a cockfight is something you could see in a nasty **** film.
Jazz_916 9
KILL HIM WITH FIRE!!!
LissaMccracken 23
O.o Woah... Calm down..
hcollins1 18
Well, we know who the pyromaniac of the FML community is now.
dav3800 7
I would've been.... pissed off. *dontkillme*
jkmartinjk 16
Dav later drowned in a mysterious accident.
dav3800 7
Not again...
jkmartinjk 16
This time he was gone for good.
Treveyon56 14
Well time to get clone dav3801.
hcollins1 18
We may not want to 6, but be careful with commenter 5. If you happen to see fire, run!
QQmore_fml 18
I hope you either A pissed on him back, or B beat the shit out of him.
Blackcatluck 19
Add in a camera and you have watersports, B&M AND gay **** in one huge mess in the bathroom
Googolman 29
I don't think plan B is a good idea, since OP would up smelling like feces, as well.
michelleJ11 25
Well, did you punch him in the face? This would be one of those times where I would be okay with that.
ballettillidie 8
Urine quite a bad situation...
worldclassrager 41
What a jerk...usually dividers are there for a bit of privacy...which was violated...