Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was, "A man running." I didn't even get an apology. FML
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML
Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML
Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML
Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML
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Top comments
Sinamoi 18
Ol' Man Jenkins is not pleased with all these whippersnappers on his lawn.
BigMatt803 18
you don't deserve a gun being pointed at you but you shouldn't run on someone's private property either
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Comments (97)
MrsAlexander83 10
Yeah...hicks probably don't jog. Lol
stormchaser24 24
Well, if your where trespassing YDI kind of. I live near a High school and the kids come on my property and steal my stuff/break stuff/and smoke pot sometimes.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Be careful, op. Fuzzy Lumpkins can be a bit grumpy.
bugmenotmofo 34
Aren't there marked boundaries or something like that? I mean if that's private property there's bound to be a fence, or a sign or a something like that. Unless you jump over every fence while jogging, of course.
superrocket19 17
That's just stupid
Kalipczo 21
Maybe jog at a public park or street instead, not some rednecks property lol
Megan98 18
My dad would do this if someone was randomly on our land...we do have no trespassing signs though.
perdix 31
Next time, wear your short shorts, and you might get, "Bend over and squeal like a piggy." If you're lucky;)
pmr1990 12
God bless the American gun culture. The developed world continues to be amazed that you were actually once viewed as something to aspire towards.
poccocurantes 7
Still are. It just seems we are fixated on our right to bear arms disregarding all of our other rights like life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I could own a gun but because of the creepy people that feel they need to horde them I choose not to.
Giluh 19
...'Murica!