Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was, "A man running." I didn't even get an apology. FML
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML
Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML
Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML
Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML
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Top comments
Sinamoi 18
Ol' Man Jenkins is not pleased with all these whippersnappers on his lawn.
BigMatt803 18
you don't deserve a gun being pointed at you but you shouldn't run on someone's private property either
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Comments (97)
Tali147 16
Did he say, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"
Welshite 40
Actually, us rednecks have more standard lines than that. We even take classes on how to intimidate them darn city-folk. -Always clean fingernails using your hunting knife. -Spit your tobacco juice at least six feet to achieve maximum disgust and awe. -Rest your shotgun lazily on your shoulder when talking to strangers -Explain your huntin' scars using exaggerated stories. There are more, but for now I'm going to say this once, so you'd better listen: "Nah, son, ya'll best be headin' home now, before Ah blast ya to kingdom come."
Tali147 16
I'll check my University for any classes on redneck culture. My friends back home would be most impressed. This is probably a silly question but what is Kingdom come?
jessi_sunshine 26
74 - "Kingdom come" is a beautiful little thing us country folk have titled heaven. You may also hear the term "pearly gates" being thrown around from time to time, or even "the great trailer park in the sky."
desoto96 9
23-I'm friends with a lot of rednecks and hillbillys, and that was spot on. Lol
pheebs314 17
Would you want someone jogging through your yard? I sure as hell wouldn't... Especially not a complete stranger.
Pyapi 20
Would you point a gun at the random stranger just for that? He was just jogging for goodness sake, not trying to break in the house!
vbmg152 19
Pyapi, Yes, yes I would! Do you or have you ever owned anything? We work hard for what we have and we don't want a bunch of strangers tramping through our property! Not to mention liability if said trespasser gets hurt on your or my property!
redbluegreen 41
He doesn't know that. Anyone who owns a large enough piece of land has to think about animals, hunters, trespassers, and thieves on a regular basis.
pheebs314 17
Just because he pointed the gun doesn't mean he was planning to shoot him. I see it as extra incentive for the other person to run right off my land and back onto public or their own property.
lilhellian 27
If he just fought with his wife.. Then maybe a gun in hand isn't a good idea...
dashizam 10
Patrolling the property with his gun, looking for variou things, comes across OP and points the gun for humor. Duh.
outoftown 27
Wouldn't the presence of the rifle in the farmer's hands have been enough to get the message across? Aiming it at the tresspasser takes it to a different level.
poccocurantes 7
I was going to launch a tirade about people and guns, but I will just say that where I grew up there was a guy who would pull his shotgun out if people trespassed on his property and everyone said he was just a crazy old man. Funny how crazy old men seem to be becoming the norm.
Pyapi 20
#35, I do own a few things, actually. I wouldn't immediately go to such drastic measures, though. I understand one has to defend themselves but becoming violent right off the bat is never a good thing!
TheDrifter 24
That ain't the violent response. Most country folk understand city folk are a bit dim and don't really understand "no trespassing" signs or property rights, so the gun is for emphasis, to help them understand that they are breaking a law that the land owner holds dear. If he had wanted to get violent, this would be a missing persons report and not a city kid's FML.
howdeedoo 22
What would make you think that that couldn't happen outside of TV?
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
The fact that it's probably one of the oldest and most cliche television tropes?
RedPillSucks 33
OP lives in the suburbs
Obey_StudBoii 23
Just walk away and don't look back.
DocBastard 40
*adds yet another entry to his "Things I Will Do When I'm Old" log book*
outoftown 27
Busman's holiday, Doc. You plug 'em, you'll have to patch 'em.
quontag 15
Those shows are not always crappy!
klovemachine 24
lol :-D
pink_raindrops 26
When I was younger I actually had an old man wave a broom at me while shouting. Just because it's seen as a ridiculous cliche doesn't mean it never happens, it became a cliche for a reason.
Pitbull305 9
Way better than having a rifle pointed at you and hearing "you sure look purty"
konstantinos616 17
His cataracts are probably so bad he wouldn't have been able to get a round off on you anyway.